Relaxation and Sex

There were apparently ancient daoist rituals involving sex that look incredibly relaxed, and boring. And one could make an argument that – by seeking to harness the energy of sex – daoists were not at all concerned with things like pleasure, and therefore having “proper” sex from a daoist/alchemical perspective had little to do with “going all night long” or even to giving pleasure to yourself or your partner, and much more to do with manipulating energy through meditative and other practices.

I tend to reject that argument, if for no other reason than I’m not willing to give up all that sexual pleasure that – as a 21st century western male – I’ve been told is my birthright.

So, I think the primary thing to remember about sex is that we are animals, that animals f–k, and that’s why we have sex.

I’m not trying to be flippant. My point is that sex is a very earthy, physical, primary, animalistic drive that is hard wired into our very natures.

Sex that acknowledges this origin and that is in tune with this natural drive rather than fights against it, is by definition a passionate and physical activity.

And any passionate and physical activity will get your respiration going.

Yes, you can be more “relaxed” and work with your breath during sex, etc. And the daoist (i.e., Chia) sex practices do mess a bit with the natural drive in that they look to prevent the very thing that leads to procreation — ejaculation — which is the whole point of the innate sex drive.

But, to me, if “daoist” sex (mantak chia style) means anything it means being present in the moment, and that moment is — or should be — a pretty wild ride.