August 2, 2008 at 10:36 am #28828
Have made some brake through with my adictions, cofe and porn.
I realised I am sort of adicted to porn and started to do something against it everytime I fall into it.
First I bought a book on sexual adiction on the internet. Read some in it and realised I not have a serious adiction, but still not behave the way I want to.
Then I had period of some masturbating with porn, quite alot. Perhaps realising I was on my way to stop it. After this period my Jing was realy weak for several weaks. Usually it is strong.
My next move was to take away the internet explorer on my old computer, the one I use for such purposes. It work exept one time I found a way to get the intetnet explorer to work again. I also took away that oportunity. And since then I haven´t used any porn. It´s about 6 weaks ago no and my Jing is strong again. It feels like I not will go into this again, I think.
Cofe: I will do my master thesis work this term and have been thinking alot of how to put up a shedule for myself. I think I have a workable one. I will alove myself to drink at a maximum three cups of cofe a weak. This will help me to do my work sometimes when I have a hard time to start with it, but it will not dammage my adrenals. Unfortunately it will dammge my homeopathy treatment, but I have some others that works quite well and I want to prioritate the master thesis work.
So for the moment everything feels quite well. I have a good schedule for my practise and are waiting for the white tigress course to start and for my yoga group to start the taoist yoga and sexual energy book by Yudelove.
I will also try to go to bead quite early so that I am able to work the next day. And I also have a good program for my physical exercises, for the moment weight lifting and jogging.
F DAugust 3, 2008 at 4:35 pm #28829
Sorry to appear negative here, but the addictions are still present.
The method you used for porn–while successful in getting you to STOP
looking at it–did nothing for the *addiction*. All you’ve done is
denied access to what you are addicted to. You haven’t addressed dealing
with what attracts you to it in the first place.
Your addiction to porn will be gone when you have complete access to it
and/or could be right in front of you, but you have no interest in it
whatsoever. I don’t think that’s the case here.
Stopping the addictive behavior–while possibly better than nothing–is not
the same as breaking the addiction.
You complain about your addiction to coffee and have tried
several times to stop or cut back, but nothing works. The reason is
that while you think it would be “a good idea” to stop drinking coffee
or even cut back, ultimately, you don’t really want to do so . . . deep down.
After all, if it’s the coffee taste you don’t want to leave, you could always drink decaf coffee. On the other hand, if you are looking for extra energy,
you can get that through short naps, qigong, Goji juice, etc.
You don’t need caffeine. Believe me, I’m a PhD student and I haven’t had caffeine for six years–broke the severe addiction *I* had–and I get along just fine without it.
It’s just a question of whether you *want* it.
Ultimately, I think you don’t really *want* to give it up–you just
think you *should* via “rational reasons”. This never works.
Same goes for your situation with porn.
The problem with posting things like this on a forum is that it can
make you feel obligated in some way to break whatever you’re
addicted to–as though you have to live up to some false standard.
My suggestion is to stop worrying about it.
Do what makes you happy, and accept yourself for whatever it is that you do.
SAugust 3, 2008 at 10:19 pm #28831
I was suspecting something like this from you!
About the porn: This might be just one step in a process, and for the moment this is how I deal with it. Sometimes just a logical way of dealing with things might be the best. I´m not saying it is the best but it is the way I am handling this for the moment. And I think for the moment I feel fine with it. So I´m not thinking so much about it for the moment. The reason to write here about it is to follow up what I´ve started to write about earlier on.
Cofe. I know what you mean. I have had periods in my life without cofe also and working alot to. I think this rule for me with 3 cups in a weak perhaps is a step to stop it completely also. One thing I do that is more similar to the period when I didn´t drink cofe is to go to sleep earlier. But this I just have started to try to do so it is to eaaly for me to answer if it works out or not.
What I have done for know is setle up some rules for me on how to live to be able to handle my exame work and my ilness in the same time. And I know some part of me will protest with setting up rules and I can see the drawback of it. Somehow on a deeper level it´s a matter of conflict betwean wanting to be dissiplined in life and not wanting to, just want to live and follow whats inside of me.
Well this question is definitely not solved and is probably one of the lifes paradoxes that will be solved someday in a mystical way! 🙂
S DAugust 4, 2008 at 12:29 am #28833
Nothing wrong with doing what you are doing
if it’s what you want to do!!
And of course feel free to post about your experiences!
I just wanted to say that you shouldn’t feel that you
*have to stop* because you’ve already posted about it before.
Posts about “perceived flaws” can create imaginary pressures . . .
The addiction problem has much to do with
a fight between a desire and an idealized picture of behavior.
Deep down inside, we want “X”.
Partly due to opinions of others and partly due to some artificial
standard we set for ourselves, we tell ourselves that we don’t want “X”.
However, even though we have what we think are rational arguments for
not wanting “X”, deep inside we still want “X” anyway!
It becomes a battle, with no clear winner!
If we do “X”, then we feel guilty about it and beat ourselves up
because it doesn’t match this argument we tell ourselves.
If we don’t do “X”, we feel frustrated because ultimately we still
want “X” and we feel like we are denying ourselves a great pleasure.
Trying to deny an internal desire by stopping a behavior through
“willpower” will not end an addiction. It will only lead to
frustration, and the addiction will continue (in my opinion).
This was another reason for my previous post.
It appeared to me that deep down you don’t really want to give
up these things, and so then you are “battling”, i.e. making
This is why I said “don’t worry about it”.
We can often be our own worst critic.
StevenAugust 4, 2008 at 2:21 am #28835
People are motivated by pleasure or pain physically, mentally or emotionally. Do you want to shove toothpaste up your nose and gargle with wasabi? Of course not, no pleasure in it so you Don’t do it. It seems people who are overweight know Not to eat more xxxx but they DO anyway. Why, as reflected in Steven’s post, they deep down want to, usually because it makes them FEEL GOOD on some level which may be semi-concious. Because somewhere in their past they had thoughts and feelings that caused negative emotions to solidify a bad behavior. I am unhappy about xxxx so I CAN eat yyyy to mask xxxx. You can substitute the word eat for any other addiction.
On a personal level, you know you shouldn’t be a coffeeholic and a pornaholic but you do anyway, why? Take a trip into your personal history and find the emotional/mental constructs that intiated your behaviors.
I would think from a Taoist point, you should work on Fusion of the Five Elements to delve deeper and clean out negative emotions. Thereby releasing and transforming the energy behind the negative behavior so it has no more intent/energy behind it to continue. Mantak Chia also has a dvd about cleaning out negative thoughts/emotions that is not a Fusion dvd. There is also a western meditation that someone teaches which deals with issues like this. You can find out more at http://www.fhu.com . As a starting point go to download the free mp3 ‘Be Still and Know’. Also listen to his radio show on the internet or over the radio.
Taoists also use a term ‘uncarved block’, simple and accurate.
I hope you and/or someone finds the post useful.
Good luck and I wish you well if you want to be well.
DerekAugust 4, 2008 at 4:50 am #28837
Hello both of you
I am on my way to start fusion. It´s one of the practises in “Taoist yoga and sexual energy” that my yoga group will be doing together from september. I will be the one that leads the fusion practise so perhaps it a good idea to buy an DVD. I realy look forward to to go into the fusion practises, it seems to me to be one of the most interesting practises in Mantak Chias system, except perhaps kan and li. Unfortunately I have no teacher, but I know one not far from here that are an instructor in it, but not think he teaches it anymore.
On adiction. I think if you work with an adiction one important thing is to see that you not have an easy access to the thing you are addicted to. If this makes you feel frustrated , when you not have the ability to go into the adiction anymore, then you have something more to work with. For the moment I not feel frustrated about the porn thing. It is something I mentally have worked with for three years or so, and it took me a long time to realise I have an adiction, and that was for me the first step to think about what to do seriously. For now I´ve not feel frustrated at any time about it, on the contrary I feel quite free.
The cofe thing is more an issue for me. To just allow me three cups in a weak will put me into an interesting situation. Beacase I need cofe from time to time to just get started, but I not have it every day so the other days I have to deal with my cronical tieredness in another way. Perhaps just go home and sleep.
By the way I think my medication help me a bit beacase I do have some more energy now, I think. Or perhaps it is an illusion after five weaks nice vacation.
Thaks for you reaspons
S DAugust 4, 2008 at 2:59 pm #28839
I found adding not subtracting to be more powerful. Add tea to our diet, add honey, add a girlfriend, add new chi gong tools, add yuan chi. You are moving our self into a cave or monostary, because it is easier to be celebate aswell as you can have more control. Do what is hard, for most men. Practice the yin aspect, and you will start to draw wealth, and energy to our self. Let go and let god, first step of AA. Take weakness as your greateast strength.
“Surrender. If we trust and surrender to the Life Force (Chi or Qi Field), the Life Force will flow into our body-mind. The Life Force supports us to effortlessly unfold who we truly are. Surrender is the prerequisite to expressing the highest level of our individual free will and creativity.
The central challenge our ordinary ego-personality (heart-mind or xin in Chinese) faces is the separation, fragmentation and dispersion of our underlying soul essence. Cloudy and reactive emotions, poor sexual habits, bad diet, shallow breathing, self-judgments, negative thinking and rejection of the spiritual nature of our physical body results in struggle, disease, suffering, and unhappy feeling of incompletion in life. Our resistance to life is what kills us. Self-cultivation teaches us to let go of our resistance to the Life Force.”August 4, 2008 at 3:57 pm #28841
Nice post! Yes adding is more powerful I think 2.
Nice song surrender. That goes into my heart!
S DAugust 18, 2008 at 12:14 am #28843
Hey Swedich Dragon its me.
My thoughts about your addiction, I believe the solution will be to gradually decrease your consumption, identifying the triggers to your addictions and balancing the chemicals in your body.
1.) For example, if you are drinking 21 cups of coffee a week, decrease it like 19 cups a week then 17 cups… 15 cups…. 13 cups…. you catch me?
2.) The next step is identifying exactly what is lacking in your life and filling it with what it really needs.
3.) The third is using the right kind of food to heal your body and return the balance it needs. I have a book called “The Gerson Therapy” by Charlotte Gerson in which she suggests that the proper consumption of organic food will revitalize even the sickest man. Her nutrition program was alleged to be able to cure cancer, diabetes and other debilitating diseases. I haven’t seen the real deal with my very eyes but this video convinced me to get a copy of her book as an insurance to my health in the near future.
Before I forget, the video:
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