September 4, 2009 at 2:57 pm #32239
note: this is real. a hilarious twist on fundalmentalist Christian notion of immortality. -m
ETERNAL EARTH-BOUND PETS, USA
You’ve committed your life to Jesus. You know you’re saved. But when the
Rapture comes what’s to become of your loving pets who are left behind?
Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.
We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal
Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will
still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward. Our network of
animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.
We are currently active in 20 states and growing. Our representatives have
been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral /
ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to rescue
your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet’s
We currently cover the following states: Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont,
Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Michigan,
Arkansas, Mississippi, Tennessee, Kentucky, Colorado, Oklahoma, Kansas,
Washington, Oregon, Idaho and Montana … and growing.
Our service is plain and simple; our fee structure is reasonable. For
$110.00 we will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten (10)
years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved. Each
additional pet at your residence will be saved for an additional $15.00 fee.
A small price to pay for your peace of mind and the health and safety of
your four legged friends.
Unfortunately at this time we are not equipped to accommodate all species
and must limit our services to dogs, cats, birds, rabbits, and small caged
Thank you for your interest in Eternal Earth-Bound Pets. We hope we can help
provide you with peace of mind.September 4, 2009 at 8:23 pm #32240
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