March 10, 2008 at 1:12 am #27809
I am on my way back from the Fusion 1 workshop in Asheville
that Michael gave. I am at a hotel, and should begin the
remainder of my long drive back home tomorrow.
How can I describe the workshop?
Yeah, that about sums it up. So many powerful experiences there
that I really don’t even know where to begin.
Everyone at the workshop–including Michael–gave some really
powerful and intensely personal sharings, and the chi flow
was really profound.
I won’t speak on the sharing of others–suffice to say that
they also affected me quite deeply ASIDE from all of the
direct personal activities.
Regarding personally, on Saturday we went through a quick
run through of the material from QF1 and QF2 at the beginning.
The microcosmic orbit really affected me strongly right from
the beginning. If you read my retreat review, you’ll know
I had had a cold–so at the Fusion 1 workshop it was in its
final death throws and was mostly gone. Now as far as the
microcosmic orbit goes, it has felt much more powerful
over the past few weeks anyway, but on Saturday, when
we did it at the beginning of the Fusion workshop, I could
barely handle how powerfully good it felt. When my orbit
was cycling past the front of my face and down the top of
my chest (probably due to getting over a cold), the sensation
felt so absolutely good, that it felt down right sexually
pleasurable. I had to hold back grunting and sighing from
the intense waves of pleasure felt during the process.
Then we moved on to some intro Fusion practices, and first
explored our dominant emotions–the ones that drive us
through life. I discovered (somewhat to my surprise, but
at the same time it was so scary accurate) that my
predominant dysfunctional emotion is impatience. On some
core level, everything always feels too slow to me. I
discovered that the internal cause of this emotion is a little
voice inside saying impatiently “come on, come on!!! let’s
go! what’s taking so long!”. I tracked this to its source
and discovered that it is ultimately caused by a deep
internal fear of death that I have, and that on some deep level
I feel that I have way too many things on my list of things
that I want to do in my lifetime, and that my life will
not be long enough for me to be able to do them all–and so
I become impatient, because I don’t want things to slow
down my process of checking things off of my “I need to do
before I die” list.
We did a creation cycle Fusion, and I was able to *temporarily*
tone down some of this in the time period–although it is
such a large issue, I suspect I will need to come back to this
one again–and again.
We finished with a yin version of Fusion, at which point
*on Saturday* I got no results. As soon as we began the
practice, my insides decided they didn’t want to play.
I tried to get something to work, but the
only thing I got as a result of my efforts was tiredness.
I left the meditation drained.
Michael talked about resistance in the practice, and through
subsequent discussion, I tried the practice again on Sunday
and got really powerful results. This time I was flooded
with the feelings of extreme loneliness and fear–overwhelmingly
so. My emotional body definitely felt safe to play in that
playground on Sunday that’s for sure.
Later, we discussed another version of Fusion–a yang practice.
That practice had a very powerful effect. First, I lost
all of my energy as I dumped my negative emotions into the
spinning baguas. I felt completely wiped. It was then that
I realized that I actually indirectly *fuel* my negative emotions
intentionally–because they give me energy–perhaps due to this
fear of death thing again whereby feeling these intense emotions
it makes me feel more *alive*, and so therefore it acts as sort of
a protector making me feel further from death–or something. At any
rate, I was completely wiped. Then, when the energy was recycled, I
feel rejuvenated and cleaned. I sat in an almost dazed, spaced-out
state of pure joy. To me, it felt like I had an “emotional colonic”.
These were just some of the profound experiences I had at that workshop;
a good number of them also occurred in me due to some pretty profound
personal sharings by the other members in attendance and Michael.
I was really sort of left speechless by the whole thing.
Simply wonderful. Yes. Simply wonderful.
StevenMarch 10, 2008 at 1:03 pm #27810
The feeling of being blessed I totaly get. My conscouise mind is humbled all the time, but my trust and patience in the life force grows as well. In many ways I feel we are learning what to ask for and how to ask for it. Its a beautiful ever deepening relationship that challenges me to grow.
Thanks for sharring.
Chi in I am out
JulianMarch 10, 2008 at 8:44 pm #27812
Thanks for sharing Steve, it was great seeing you again. It takes courage to share some of your inner self with this forum. It helps us all I think, at least it does me. I like to think of all of us collectively walking down the path.
From my perspective the weekend was very powerful, it even resonated in my motel room sunday night.
Saturday night I was bummed out because I couldn’t really contact anything, at least not like I had back in October when I started the Fusion1 CED’s. When I got back to my motel room I asked the life force to help me out because I wasn’t making much progress. I sat back down to do the yin fusion practice again. Then I was surrounded by white light…I had suddenly met my Po spirit.
I asked it want it wanted. It proceeded to tell me in my thoughts that “I don’t want to be here.” I took the meaning that it had not wanted to join in the collective soul team or be in my body. This was very disturbing to me, naturally. (it also explains a number of past health problems) I suggested that if it joined in the collective body mind we could make progress in fullfilling our destiny. It appeared to listen but didn’t respond.
I asked the other members of the team what to do about this. The heart shen (I think)said with a deep voice (again as a thought), “Love him.” With that advice I embraced the Po, and told it/him that I love you. Then suddenly the heart shen leaped to life by surrounding the white orb with a red orb. The other shen followed. With that fused energy, I reduced the pearl back down to the normal 12-18 inches in diamater and did the Wudang orbit.
I was so deeply resonant all night that I barely slept. My body strength went way up that night. It was liked being pumped from lifting weights.
I’m not sure my Po is completely integrated on the team, but I think that it is getting closer.
The next day in class when we did this again, my kidney spirit responded. The dark blue orb turned light grey blue, and said—“you never listen to me!” Wow was it upset. (kind of reminds me of my wife in our first few years of marriage- until I wised up) Hey kidney spirit, I’m still learning, sorry about that!
I’ve come to beleive that I had only worked on outward emotional issues in the months past, and had never gone deep and met the shen. Still even the surface work had greatly reduced my fear of public speaking.
The spinning bagua had always produced energy for me before, but it/they were much more energetic at the retreat. What really impressed me was Michael’s teaching on asking the life force to down load what ever our body spirits need to complete themselves/ourselves. It worked very impressively for me later sunday night when the motel bus driver didn’t show up, and I had to download calm and trust virtues.
I’m starting to wonder if the life force is God Himself or just a manifestation of creation. I just don’t know.
It was a great weekend. Qigong keeps amazing me.
See you in April.
BobMarch 10, 2008 at 9:18 pm #27814
By the way, the rumor mill has told me you’re going on the China trip 🙂
You lucky Dog (pun intended)
StevenMarch 10, 2008 at 9:26 pm #27816
Good to hear that you find these sharings as useful as they
are to me . . . I also think that “bearing your soul”
and revealing such intimate details to others sometimes can
act as a tool to keep such revelations out in the open.
Since they become so revealed, there is less likelihood
that you end up reburying the issue–and so (at least for me),
it helps the healing process (i.e. no point in reburying the
issue if everyone knows about it; can’t hide it anymore!!)
It does take a lot of courage though!
It’s hard, but healing.
Sometimes I think that a lot of this work we do is just
designed to build up the courage needed to tackle the problems
that reside within–and once we have the courage, we resolve
them with no problem in a natural way.
StevenMarch 10, 2008 at 9:39 pm #27818
Interesting to hear about your experience with the Po soul;
I think that it–for most people–tends to be a “troublemaker”.
In my experience, it tends to be a selfish, but misunderstood,
spirit–where it tends to feel like it never gets enough–enough
attention, enough chi, enough love, enough importance–or whatever.
I think the key to dealing with this is to embrace it in a loving
compassionate way, and in an accepting sort of comforting voice,
try to let it know that it already has everything it needs–and that
it doesn’t need anything more. It tends to be a loner, and feels
unloved. Your heart shen was right in saying “love him”.
Regarding your kidney experience, didn’t you say your predominant
negative emotion was fear? Maybe your kidney spirit feels annoyed
that you haven’t explored the dark corridors of your fear, and so
you continue to hold onto it in your kidneys (hence the toxic gray
color). Just a theory . . . something to explore anyway.
Lots and lots of stuff for both of us to explore I think;
what an exciting journey this is.
I look forward to April.
StevenMarch 11, 2008 at 12:24 pm #27820
Yes I will try to behave myself. My last trip to london did not go so well.
At least I will get some good Beef Chow Mein, in china.
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