July 27, 2007 at 10:39 am #23199
I have been having more difficulty grounding lately. Resulting in panick attacks and paranoia. I now understand that grounding always has been my problem.
I feel there is a relationship between my reluctance to grounding and my trust issues. It feels like my feet don’t trust the ground and I find it difficult to keep all 9 points connected at the same time. There is always one or two toes that won’t coöperate.
Connecting to my spleen I hear the same message. Not trusting. Not trusting who? My mother. Why? There is an image of dead baby’s.
Talking about inner children there is this voice in my head: Kill them!
There seems to be a connection between me not trusting my mother and therefore not trusting the mother in me and not trusting mother earth.
any ideas?July 27, 2007 at 11:10 am #23200
Aaaahhh, the Mother
We take everything she gives us for granted
When she herself is weak, in pain or in doubt we feel lost without her support
the physical mother, the inner mother, big mother earth.
The first healing takes place with our physical mother, without understanding her and her process we can not understand ourself.
Seek for feelings of revenge, for what she did not give you (love, attention)
Seek for grieve, for what she took away from you (lessons, possibilities)
Seek for anger, for what she did to you (causing you pain, grieve)
Seek for loneliness when she did not listen to your pain
Our ‘physical’ mother needs to be healed, understood and loved before any other love can arise within us, for us and for earth.
When we take the task seriously to heal our mothers, the chain of pain and revenge will be broken and we can move on…July 27, 2007 at 2:18 pm #23202
Just briefly on this now, Loes-
When you are having that kind of anxiety it means (as I have been coached by my acupuncturist) that the relationship between the heart and the kidneys is not constant. When the fire and water do not mix properly the result is fear and lack of earth, which resides in the middle between them. Ungroundedness is what results from this.
There are very effective acupuncture treatments for this and herbal formulae particularly those based on Dragon Bone and Oyster Shell. When the heart/spirit and the kidneys/body are in good communication with each other there is nothing to fear. The body feels like it is supprted by the spirit and everything’s alright. You “settle down” and feel properly fed. The heart shines the light your kidneys need and the kidneys provide the body which the heart wants to “land” in.
So while you go through this period in which you seem to be releasing deep stuff, see someone good for needle work and herbs. It will make a big difference. It has for me.
As for working with what it is that is coming up inside you- I would strongly recommend an easy approach to it. Instead of working to figure out the issue just stay in touch with what your feelings are. The mental stuff, the details, will come to you as you go deeper. But it is the feelings on the subverbal level which will be the real content and essence of the issue. You will become conscious of the thing as a whole and release it much more easily if you do this. And remember to breathe always.
Blessings, AlexanderJuly 27, 2007 at 7:16 pm #23204
At the risk of sounding like a broken record
when I give advice, try practicing the
Inner Smile more–both the Yin and Yang versions.
I had a lot of grounding issues when I went down to
Heavenly Mtn. retreats at first–in large part due
to the residual energy that was there at the start,
which made everyone feel disconnected from the earth.
(See my report)
What helped me to alleviate the problem was doing the
Inner Smile, both internally and externally to the
room and environment. The energy just dispersed; it
was as if it couldn’t stand to be in the environment
in which the Inner Smile had been practiced any longer.
When you practice the yin Inner Smile, you feel
accepted inside through and through. Panic and paranoia
dissipate. When you practice the yang Inner Smile,
you feel accepted by your surroundings through and
through. When you feel totally accepted within and
without, such a state engenders feelings of trust.
Those feelings of trust provide stability and grounding.
Panic, paranoia, instability, and lack of ground can
not stand to be in the presence of such feelings, and
they leave. As they leave, use the Spleen sound
to speed their exit.
Then, if you are familiar with the Iron Shirt
practices–which are designed for grounding–
get into some rooting postures and run the
Dedicated practice on a daily basis may cause
a major shift . . .
StevenJuly 27, 2007 at 7:45 pm #23206
Thank you both for your reaction. They both resonate with what is going on with me.
I suppose the brain wants to be reasured: am I mad or am I mad?
Talking about trust!
When I loose my ground, the mind takes over.
This idea of all mothers being connected just popped up and wouldn’t go away.
It’s funny how the brain seems to have trouble with that concept at first while it makes so much sense when you let it sink in. It’s so obvious that is seems almost silly not to have thought about it before.
I was just thinking how my relationship with my mother is a neverending source of grieve, anger, fear, love…. A neverending source…
The distrust seems to be eating at my roots
I see a mesologist on a regular basis. The technician in me likes the idea that energyflow can be mesured and that the fibration of the medication can be tested, to see if it resonates with mine. I do have medication to stengthen the spleen, but it always gets worse before it gets better.
Staying with the feeling is a tough one. My body knows many intricate ways to numb the pain. Addiction is it’s game. But I’m learning. I’m getting more and more tools to cope with what comes up. And the more tools I get, the more things seem to come up.
I wish I could take a break though. I do not seem to be able to stop this train.
Whatever I do or don’t do I am confronted with what is going on inside.
Remember to keep breathing. I like that one.
LoesJuly 27, 2007 at 10:27 pm #23208
Sinking into the deeper self solves the problem of the mind. Breathing helps you to align mind and body and it is that which causes groundedness. Groundedness is peace. It is the natural result of the communication and balance between heaven and earth in us.
I understand the reference to mother only too well. One grounds to the earth through the mother at birth and for some of us there is attachment instead of bonding. As you let go of this you regrow your earth as your own apart from your mom’s. Allow it all, fear or not. You can’t stop the train, but you can sure ride it, and eventually direct it. You can’t “make” a breakthrough but you can allow one. Be thankful you are confronted with what is going on inside or you would never complete it.
That is where the most work is- tolerating the feeling of fear and powerlessness that you get when you are in transition. You have to surrender and go through the fear without trying to do anything about it- without trying to control what is going on. That’s when you realize you were fearing your death. But death is not what happens to you, or to that part of you. It is just change. The form you knew is broken down, exactly like food in your stomach, and assimilated into something higher, more usable. This is why meditation is indispensable to deep work- You cannot let go of the old without the deeper sense of self that meditation puts you in touch with.
-AlexanderJuly 28, 2007 at 11:37 am #23210
Yes Steven, you are right, it is time to go back to basics.
It feels like in the last three years I made a full turn and I have come back where I started. Not exactly the same though. My life has changed dramaticly is the past 3 years. This may very well be the beginning of a new cycle.
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