February 3, 2009 at 4:54 am #30441
I was asked if I wanted to continue my master thesis work with an licentiate in the same subject. This was a victory for me. I have had an inner faith of someday I take a PhD, this have been in the depth of my pshyche and a have been an inspiration for me to keep on my investigation of how to get rid of my illness. To continue and continue no matter of bad or good results, just keep on trying and knowing I will succeed one day to be heathy.
To decide if I should do this licentiate or not have been a strugle for me to decide the last days. Nor an easy decission. But I come to the conclusion that what I want is to do the licentiate when I have enough energy to do it without feeling sleepy all the time. This condition I am into, yang deficiency, is not realy good to combine with intensive studies. I realised that to be healthy and to achive an licentiate for the mometh is a so greate demeand that for the moment it is almost impossible.
So I will try to continue to teach as long as I have the yang deficiency problem. I will use the possibility to take an licentiate in the future as a driving force to continue the health work. When I have the power I start to try to get started with a licentite, in the meantime if I not have much other work I can start to read the litterature in the courses I probably will read in the licentiate.
This is my total health and day to day plan for the moment:
I practise at a health club, where they have gym, yoga qigong and karate and other physical group exercises. I have the following three week scheme at that place.
1th weeak: 1 time there
2th weak:two times there
3th weak: three times there
I can practise what ever I want. But for the moment I am doing gym practises regularly. I have made a scheme of the gym practise at nine days. Where I try to do the whole body at nine days. Nine days are good beacase if doing all the exercises every weeak I demanding myself to much, in my condition, but still doing it every nine days will give me improvements. Fist time I do the exercises I do only one set with low weights. If I did manage to do all exercises during the nine day period I increase to two sets and so on. If not manage I go back to one set.
My other practises are often some of the yoga practises wchich I enjoy to partisipate in.
Sleep and coffe:
Cofe have been the problem for me. I have again decided to take it away. It put to much pressure on my low level adrenals. The discusstion with Steven Wendy and Dog also helped me to take this decission again. Also that I got a question of taking an licentiate. No I think I can say that I want to work with the master a bit longer instead of pusching myself, they no about my illness and I will tell them about my decission of taking care of my health first. So I feel there is no reason to continue with it, they like my work already and I can take away the illusion of needing cofe.
I can drink it one day in the weeak, my new decission.
To not be so tired and then not need the cofe I will worke with my sleep. In the following way:
At 8 p.m I will always do yoga or qigong if I am at home. If feeling to tired to do qigong I lay down in my bed ready to sleep and do the following simpe practises:
Breath into the stomach 100 times. Inner smile all three rounds three times and micro cosmic orbit 20 or 50 times.
At 9.30 p.m I will allways go to sleep. Important for the recovery of the adrenals which heals when sleeping early at nigth. If I’m not able to sleep I will do my program against insomnia, which will come in another thread. This will keep me busy untill I sleep.
I hope this program will help me so that I not feel the need for cofe anymore. The yoga qigong at 8 p.m. is also healping against the urge to watch TV or worse Porn, beacase the shen is happy and not frustrated after the practise, I have noticed.
I sleep if I am able to in the morning as long as the body need.
Alcohole: Wery litle and not often
Television: At a maximum one program each night. It will not be much time for it with my new sleep yoga evening programe above. I will give myself one excepion each weeak to watch a program later than 9.30 p.m. Beacase it is nice to watch a good film or something from time to time. I also hope the new program will helpe me to not fall into the trap watching TV instead of practise.
I will go into a more yin aproach and not decide beforehand what to practise as I have done for a while now. I will try a more intuitive aproach more adapted to what I need.
Keep on following Yudeloves bood with my friends
Doing the white tigress exercises: 8 brocades fo far, nine jade dragons and Shen meditation exercises on the original cavity I think. My goal is to do all of them four time a weeak.
Armour thyroid 9×60 mg/day
Hydrocortisone 10 mb/day
Homeopathy: For the streangth of the adranals
Special vitamines for the hypothyroidism
Vitamines herbs and adranal cell extract for the adranals.
Homeopathy: I will be part in a treatment with many homeopaths dealing with the same tretment. They help eachother to become better while taking the same patients from tme to time
Herbs: I while start a treatment with a chinese herb specialist soon. It has to be separeted from the homeopathy though.
Every sunday is completely free. I can do whatever I choose. Well I have my yoga group two sundays each mouth at my home, except that completely free.
One other day or two other evenings I take free time to do something I like.
If more tired than usual. I take three days in a row to just do what ever I need to be better, perhaps sleep alot.
Wensdays and freday or saturday after 6 p.m. is also free time.
Comment: I think that the most important here for my health is to stop with the cofe. If I fall back into it please help to remind me to stop it again!
S DFebruary 4, 2009 at 11:15 am #30442
As to your licentiate decision, it sounds like you’ve thought it
through carefully. It’s best to listen to your intuition.
As to your comments about coffee:
“I can drink it one day in the weeak, my new decission.”
“I think that the most important here for my health is to stop with the cofe.”
You know, as well as I, that if you say you can drink it once a week,
then before long it will be several times a week, maybe multiple times
per day. You know how that goes; it’s happened before. If you really
care about your health, you’ll get rid of it completely and stop using
excuses why periodically you can have a little–which ultimately just
leads back to having more use and drain on your energy and adrenals
which you’ve recognized numerous times already. If you need energy,
you can always take a short nap or do some deep breathing or drink some
Goji juice, or whatever. Anything else is just an excuse “the addict”
is using to keep you on the hamster wheel.
Of course, you have your own ideas 🙂
Just keep in mind how successful they’ve been so far (with regard to coffee).
Sorry to poke a jab at you, but you do recognize the pattern right?
Anyhow, it’s all good.
It’s important to not take *life* too seriously–or *this post* for
Best to you,
StevenFebruary 4, 2009 at 1:29 pm #30444
I appreciate your comments about cofe. If you right I will go another round with this. But if it going to be worse, I drink alot, then probably my aversion against the adictal behaviour will increase and perhaps I realise to stop completely.
Perhaps it solves it self beacase if I start the new homeopathy treatment, well if the group have time with me, then I have promised myself to stop completely. I also change my program from time to time. Adapt it to the situaion and the results I’ve got. I feel right now that the go on how to behave at nights is the most important change in this program. I hope it will give me good results regarding more energy.
The decission about taking an licentiate degree or not is not at all easy. I want to do it. It is a way to develope my mathematical skill and also programming. I want to do it but not do it when tired all the time. The thing is that I enjoy being a teacher and I feel it gives me alot energy back. But in the long run I will enjoy working at a low level theoretically. I think the time will come to do the licentiate in the future, either I will be tired of my teaching situation or my energy level will increase so that I feel now is it time to do this. The area I do the master thesis in is rather hot right now and I think it will be for the next decade or so. There are also wery few students in Sweden for the moment reading subject related to it. Just a few people every year. Yes the risk is of course that when ready to do it the chanse is gone. But the risk taking it is that I not get back my health. My primal goal is my health and I have decided that my life chooises always should take that in to acount before anything else, as fear for not having the possibility to do the licentiate in the future. That fear comes from a deeper fear not to have creative and stimulating work but boring ones, as I have had sometimes in the past. I think I have good chanses to find things that stimulate me even if not taking the licentitate and the fear is irrelevant. later year I have been following the flow regarding work and studies better than before, that is the key to create stimulating work situations around myself I think.
I ve got a message from the field more concreataly a dream. The message is that the ressession the world is going into will be deeper and longer than most people included economists believe. This could be a signal on starting the licentiate when there is money to my payment. But resoning in another direction it could be a signal to take the work that exists for me right now, as long as there are any.
Taking the teacher job increases my income also so that I can afford more terapy. I have alot of ideas of what to do and to be able to try them out it is better right now to earn the money.
Something like this is my reasoning about the situation. Of course the most important is not the logical explanations, somewhere inside of me there is a gut feeling of what is right. I realy have that feeling right now on my decission, but sit might change.
No it is time to do the eight brocades. Was long time ago.
S DFebruary 4, 2009 at 7:51 pm #30446
>>>I appreciate your comments about cofe.
>>>If you right I will go another round with this.
>>>But if it going to be worse, I drink alot,
>>>then probably my aversion against the adictal
>>>behaviour will increase and perhaps I realise
>>>to stop completely.
Well, I don’t recommend drinking it to excess
to “kill the urge”. It could ruin your health to such a
degree it takes you back a couple of years of progress with
your health. This would be bad, as you’ve come so far.
Don’t do something like that, just to gain courage to stop.
Your health is too important. Plus you risk creating
a mind-body split as you develop complete aversion to it, but
at the same time due to frequent heavy use, you’ve created a
habitual conditioning to continue. Then you will suffer some
traumas as you have two sides of yourself at war . . . and you
would have this problem on top of a worsened health situation.
If you don’t have the courage to leave it behind right now for whatever
reason, it would be better to stay “trapped” in the cycle until
you can gather the courage to leave it behind and the lack
of interest in continuing than to do such a radical thing.
Just my opinion of course 🙂
>>>The decission about taking an licentiate degree or not
>>>is not at all easy. I want to do it. It is a way to develope
>>>my mathematical skill and also programming. I want to do it
>>>but not do it when tired all the time.
I understand this feeling completely. I’m currently working
on my PhD, and I’ve thought numerous times about quitting. It’s
sort of too stressful of a lifestyle. I often question the point
or the value in anything that requires a person to accept that
level of stress. In some ways, I admire the “lowly” janitor that
has a “simple” job that, while it may not pay well, doesn’t have
associated stresses that linger. When he quits work at the end of the day,
he’s done with his job. I, however, am not. As I’m sure you’ve
seen, when you are in the academic environment, in a way you are
NEVER done. You always have work to do when at home. It sort of
never ends. This can affect you in many subtle ways over a period
of time. It’s the volume of work, it’s the working to exhaustion,
and the “never really being able to rest” concept that’s the problem–
not the level of interest in the material. So you enjoy your work
and like the idea of a higher degree, but you don’t want the
situation I mentioned–especially when your health is not good.
So anyway, I totally understand. One part of you wants to do it now,
while the other part needs some time to get better.
Not to discourage you in any way from pursuing the licentiate
(or even a PhD) some day, but I can honestly say that if I knew
back when I had a master’s, just how stressful, miserable, and long
the road is to get the PhD, I don’t think I would have gone for it.
The only thing that keeps me working now (by a thin thread, I might add),
is that I think I may only have about two years left–I think.
>>>The thing is that I
>>>enjoy being a teacher and I feel it gives me alot energy back.
>>>But in the long run I will enjoy working at a low level
>>>theoretically. I think the time will come to do the licentiate
>>>in the future, either I will be tired of my teaching situation
>>>or my energy level will increase so that I feel now is it time
>>>to do this. The area I do the master thesis in is rather hot
>>>right now and I think it will be for the next decade or so.
>>>There are also wery few students in Sweden for the moment reading
>>>subject related to it. Just a few people every year. Yes the risk
>>>is of course that when ready to do it the chanse is gone. But the
>>>risk taking it is that I not get back my health. My primal goal
>>>is my health and I have decided that my life chooises always should
>>>take that in to acount before anything else, as fear for not
>>>having the possibility to do the licentiate in the future.
>>>That fear comes from a deeper fear not to have creative and
>>>stimulating work but boring ones, as I have had sometimes in
>>>the past. I think I have good chanses to find things that
>>>stimulate me even if not taking the licentitate and the fear
>>>is irrelevant. later year I have been following the flow
>>>regarding work and studies better than before, that is the
>>>key to create stimulating work situations around myself I think.
Just do what you feel is right, and don’t worry about consequences.
If you decide not to pursue anything more now, and it is meant to be
that you do so, then it will happen later on naturally. If it’s not meant
to happen, it won’t. You sort of have to trust the universe that
it knows what it’s doing, and that anything that happens, it is doing
ultimately for your benefit and growth.
>>>I ve got a message from the field more concreataly a dream.
>>>The message is that the ressession the world is going into
>>>will be deeper and longer than most people included economists believe.
I think that’s probably very true.
>>>This could be a signal on starting the licentiate
>>>when there is money to my payment. But resoning in
>>>another direction it could be a signal to take the
>>>work that exists for me right now, as long as there are any.
I wouldn’t use outside reasons to decide, because they are not
operating from your core axis. Just look within, then you’ll know.
>>>Taking the teacher job increases my income also so that
>>>I can afford more terapy. I have alot of ideas of what to do
>>>and to be able to try them out it is better right now to earn the money.
>>>Something like this is my reasoning about the situation.
>>>Of course the most important is not the logical explanations,
>>>somewhere inside of me there is a gut feeling of what is right.
>>>I realy have that feeling right now on my decission, but sit might change.
Just follow your intuition, and you’ll be OK.
Also, keep in mind that whenever you feel torn between two
different directions, the solution might actually be to do *neither*
exactly, but to do something else that is, in fact, somewhere in between.
I’ve found this latter to be case so many times, even though it’s usually
hard to see how to do this (since the brain is locked into an either-or)
SFebruary 5, 2009 at 2:00 am #30448
Thx for you comments. It realy helps that you chare your experiences with your PhD work. For the moment I feel that I do the right thing not to go into it. But the issue will come back sooner or later. I hope I then have the possibility to communicate with you again.
The cofe issue is going on right now. yesterday I drank quite alot and quite late in the evening, which almost ever give me insomnia. Not last night beacase my wery nice six healing sound session, with unusually much energy. It helped me to fall asleep.
I will write soon about my insomnia program that works fine for me. skipping any medical solution. with pills against it.
S DFebruary 5, 2009 at 4:34 am #30450
I got a phone call from my MD. I will be part in a project with further education for the homeopaths. There will be three homeopaths that will investigate my case for about two hours. This is of course the signal I needed to stop the cofe. So at least theoretically it is solved. I will not drink cofe any more. Then it is just to do it.
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