November 16, 2004 at 9:38 pm #1925
Hello everyone.First let me give you a little backround.If you remember my last post I had stopped smoking weed.I stopped for a little while but I started smoking again because my grandfather died and I felt I needed a little happiness which I was unable to produce myself.I also started taking american ginseng and astragalus and practicing alot of chi gong breathing.I noticed (now that I look back) that ever since I started taking them I would get very angry very quick and it was VERY hard to control.After about a week or two of taking them, one night I took the astagalus and smoked right after.All of a sudden I started feeling these incredibly strong waves of sadness.I tried to smile it away but it was no use.I just broke down and started crying uncontrollably.I felt totally alone, totally empty like I had nothing positive inside and nothing to live for.Now this sadness was NOT directed at anything specific, it was just an overwhelming feeling.After a while when this feeling finally passed I started to get powerful waves of fear.I mean all out scared to death fear.Same thing here, the fear was not directed toward anything specific (at first, after a while my mind found something to be afraid of)I also felt very disconnected, almost dizzy.Needless to say I was scared shitless.Now I didn’t know the smoking would affect this at first so I didn’t quit.For the next few days I felt a steady sadness.Not as intense as that first time just a dull sadness throughout the day.Everyday I would smoke it would be aggravated, although there was a major difference between when I would smoke during the day and at night.The feelingswere always much worse at night but for the first few days it wasn’t as bad as that first time.I still didn’t stop smoking figuring it would eventually go away but I did stop taking those herbs.A few days later I smoked one night and it happened all over again except this time it was even worse.This was last night.Now I wont smoke as I am scared shit to smoke but there is something wrong inside that I don’t know what the hell to do about.Please, if anyone can help I would appreciate it more than you could imagine.Thank you SeanNovember 16, 2004 at 10:40 pm #1926
I’m no expert, but I do know that drugs can light up your brains pleasure centers, and leave a void when they’re stopped.
You know what, this too shall pass. You feel empty and down now, understand and believe it will pass. Focus on that better future and see if you can make positive plans that will get you feeling better.
For example, your grandfathers death was your initial excuse for this downward tail spin. Find out what He liked, what turned him on. Then dedicate some time to do it in his memory. I bet you’ll find like Grandfather, like grandson.
MichaelNovember 17, 2004 at 5:33 pm #1928
Give up ganja! It’s well established that it can bring out psychosis in people. Also there are other studies which suggest that there is in an increase in the prevalence of depression in dope users. To say nothing of Vanishing Lung Syndrome. Better to drink beer than rot your brain and bake your lungs with ganja.November 17, 2004 at 6:09 pm #1930
Sean, I’m sorry to hear you’re going through a bad time and that you’re grieving. I suggested in the other message that you think about not just abstaining from, but giving up cannabis altogether. There are cannabis-like substances produced in the brain that take the edge off bad memories, and that is maybe what you’re doing by smoking. The trouble I’ve found with cannabis is that its mood-enhancing effects can intensify a depressive state, and the flight of ideas the drug gives you can take you to unpleasant states of mind. I think as well as that, because you are grieving you are going to be more prone to being depressed in a particular way. As to your feeling that there is something wrong inside, I wouldn’t dwell on that – you can put distance between you and that feeling by the passage of time. I myself gave up cigarettes 4 years ago and ganja 7 months ago. I’m one of a number of my acquaintances who have done this. Like one of my friends told me, dope was a good laugh at first but you end up paranoid, not yourself and afraid to leave the house. I hope you feel better soon. TomNovember 17, 2004 at 6:43 pm #1932
Especially when your going through hard times.
See some people can handle hard times with a little smoke.
For some it may even help them get through it.
See but everyone is different.
Now one thing is for sure, dont go mixing different types
of herbs together. Tell you straight up, ginseng will pump your
You know something, I would say Cannabis is safer than the two
herbs you were taking. For a while I was on a vitamin C kick and
experienced some weird side effects.
So really nothing is absolutly pure.
The best is to return back to a natural state when your body
Drink lots of water. Stop all the weird herbs. Eat 3 normal meals
a day with no weird shit in it. Excersise and get sleep.
Our bodies are amasingly resiliant.
This is always important to remeber!
When you were born, your natural state was just to breathe,
eat, and drink.. These are the things in which the body are
Naturally accustom to.
The key to quittin anything that you pick up that is not in the norm
of what I wrote up top, is to think back to when you were a kid.
Your imagination was occupied. Now adays people are taking all these
weird herbs and vitamins, and smoking and drinking.
Not that there is anything wrong with that all, but you must always
beable to return to your natural state.
SOme people cant even go ONE day with out any of these extra additives.
That is scary.
Hey but nobody is perfect.
Discipline is probrably one of the most important things we can learn in life. The problem is that it comes in all different shapes and sizes.
Just stop any unnatural things for a while to you get your self together.
And drink lots of water.
Peace and SmilesNovember 18, 2004 at 12:51 pm #1934
it’s very hard to say stuff in type and be sure it sounds right. But here goes:
You have been wanting to stop smoking. Other stuff hasn’t worked so you got this. This might work. It might , horribly enough, be exactly what you asked for.
You could use this to stop, or you could gradually accustom yourself to fear and sadness and get stuck to the point where you need something even more drastic to open a door for you.
Feel sadness physically. Dispassionately. Until you can physically feel the goodness of the general pulse of life aroud and within it.
Small steps. You won’t get happiness from outside you. In any way.
Be nice to yourself. Massage your own skin, your own body. Be nice to your lungs and your kidneys. Cherish yourself.
INovember 19, 2004 at 11:30 am #1936
I’d go back to the basics–taking walks, listening to nice music, getting sunshine, drinking hot (decaf?) tea with a bit of ginger in it, chicken soup, grilled cheese (one on ebay right now for $20,000)–all the old fashion stuff.
When you find yourself feeling good, you’ll be able to chat with your grandfather again. At first it’ll feel like you are making it up, but after awhile you might find that he is actually accessible from the non-physical but it has to be done from a place of feeling good so you’ll have vibrational access to him.
In any case, sooner or later you’ll naturally dream of him. Those kind of dreams are extremely powerful and re-establishing your spiritual connection is the only real solution.
-YodaNovember 20, 2004 at 12:56 am #1938
I would like to thank you all for taking the time to offer me help and guidance.I appreciate it more than you can imagine.I stopped smoking weed totally and I find the intensity of the emotions lessening everyday but there is still this imbalance, like I destabalized myself.Any suggestions on how to regain the grounding I once had?November 20, 2004 at 1:00 am #1940
Trunk I know your the master of the center.What do you think about this?What do you suggest I practice to regain my center?November 20, 2004 at 9:41 am #1942
Any suggestions on how to regain the grounding I once had?
Gradually. Don’t focus on where you want to be, or you’ll create dissatisfaction and lose the moment.
Be aware of the grounding you have, however small it be. Peer and wriggle into it. get ever more aware of how it is. Wiggle your toes.
Act like it’s no issue at all.
And whatever smart technical stuff people tell you, too.
INovember 20, 2004 at 4:08 pm #1944
Basically I agree with everybody who’s already answered. Quit the drugs, and the herbs, and take small simple steps towards a healthy lifestyle. .. and that this will take a while, so be patient with yourself; there will be ups & downs along the way – that’s just part of it: be patient, gentle, steady your way through. Clean diet (soups are good idea), walks, someone to talk to now & then… these sort of simple things (as others have said) will help a lot.
> started smoking again because my grandfather died and I felt I needed a little happiness which I was unable to produce myself. ..american ginseng and astragalus and practicing alot of chi gong breathing >
Blessings to you, and your grandfather.
When a large grief, shock, trauma of heart~psyche~shen occurs (and life is difficult, so this happens to everyone at some time or other) it has a repurcussion to the essence (kidney, lower tan tien)… the ‘binding’ of the essence loosens some, due the grief and the shock; its a whole body sort of trauma, rocking the boat, sort of. Basically, I’m saying that the lower center gets shaken, as well as the uppers… or as a result of the uppers’ disturbance.
Basically all of the things that you were doing would exacerbate this. Marijuana tends to be expansive, astragalus is ascending, american ginseng (while it is said to tonify yin – my experience is that only the really really high grade, very expensive am.ginseng is a good soothing yin tonic) is also a qi tonic. A lot of chi gong breathing (unless you were very careful and skilled in doing only soothing rooting breathing) likely made more energy rush up. All that together (plus life events), basically un-anchoring, unrooting yourself. And you’ve done well by stopping all of that.
If you want to practice some. (Well, first of all, its probably more important that you do the simple quiet lifestyle suggestions that everyone else, and myself, have mentioned.) But, if you want to practice some, it would be similar: go easy and patient with yourself. Don’t press, don’t push hard, with any practice.
If you do breathing, just breath gentle, and deeply (nor forcing deep, but comfortably deep) – and be with the breath. Be with the breath, gently, all the way down as deeply as you breathe. This will gradually (not in one session, but over weeks) reconnect your higher energies with your lower, will help you re-anchor, re-integrate. Don’t force past anything (not past physical blockage, and not past emotional trauma). And don’t go on too long; if you feel like stopping, stop. Small steps, patient, gentle. (I know i’m repeating myself, sorry if too much.)
Restoring root is part of what needs to occur. Again, in small doses, not forcing anything, gentle and patient with yourself – taking breaks when you like. Simple standing. You might combine simple standing with the three amigos. Kidney-1 breathing might be good for you. Do not force nor strain any of these practices. A simple walk after standing practice would be good.
KeithNovember 20, 2004 at 4:40 pm #1946
There’s actually almost like a whole tradition, a whole big deal, around soups for healing, both in Taoism and elsewhere (Granny’s soups and so forth). The big thing with soups is that they’re both nourishing and really easy to digest; you’re body is getting a lot, with very little work. When you’re sick, or going through a tough time in life, the internal energies tend to cave in a little, fall – and so the energies of digestion tend to be weak, and that’s one of the main ways you get strength back into the body to rebuild: through food… but your digestion is weak!, so what’re you gonna do? How you gonna re-build when your ability to assimilate food is weak? : Soups!
Its not really that important what you put in the soup, what kind of soup you make, as long as at least some of it is fresh. If I’m making soup from a can, I usually put a little water in the pot first + some chopped vegies, boil ’em for a little while, and then add the canned soup in.
Or a simple miso soup. Miso + whatever fresh vegies are in the refrigerator, maybe some grains or whatever if i have time to cook them longer before-hand, maybe some chopped up fish.
You might consider taking up a little healing soup-hobby for a while. Surf the net a little and take up any soup recipe that looks tasty to you. Put on some music you like, maybe sing a little, make some soup (enough for left-overs tomorrow and the day after).
TrunkNovember 20, 2004 at 8:31 pm #1948
Again I would like to thank you for your help.Wonderful thing happened last night.I decided to go into my body and find the root of the problem.I saw my problem like this, the negative experience that I had, rewired my hormonal/chemical system along negative lines.So I felt I needed to get my body secreting the proper chemicals.My practice went like this, I totally relaxed my body to the point where my muscles just hung off the bones, no physical tension at all.This lessened the intensity to a large degree.I then layed down in bed and began totally relaxed dan tien breathing.No forcing just gently allowing the breath to slow down to about 4 breaths a minute.I did some basic zen stuff, no mind, nothing, I pretended I had amnesia and that my memeory was totally disconnected from my mind.That I couldn’t think and just totally FORGET.This works great to bring you to the present moment.As I relaxed deeper I let a gentle smile spread across the face.I then went into all the organs and glands and spine (pretty much the inner smile technique) This got my body secreting the proper chemicals and I felt a major rebalance as soon as my whole body was smiling together.I went pretty deep to do this and noticed a major difference in myself right away.I feel great today and those feelings I was having did NOT return.Im pretty excited especially since now I am free to continue my practice without smoking any weed.Thank you all for your time help!!!!!!November 20, 2004 at 9:29 pm #1950
> My practice went like this, I totally relaxed my body to the point where my muscles just hung off the bones, no physical tension at all.This lessened the intensity to a large degree.I then layed down in bed and began totally relaxed dan tien breathing.No forcing just gently allowing the breath to slow down to about 4 breaths a minute.I did some basic zen stuff, no mind, nothing … >
Way to go!
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