April 21, 2010 at 10:30 am #33989
note: This is a pretty interesting case history. Long but worth it. Basically, a validation of the Inner Smile: if you can embrace your inner self first, then that shifts everything in your outer life. -Michael
ANITA M’S NDE
I had cancer (Hodgkin’s Lymphoma), and on this morning, I could not move. My
husband rushed me to hospital, where, after doing scans, they diagnosed me
with grade 4B lymphoma (the highest grade). The senior oncologist looked at
my report and told my husband that it was too late, and that my organs were
now shutting down. I only had 36 hours to live. However, the oncologist said
he would do whatever he could but prepared my husband that I would most
likely not make it, as my organs were no longer functioning. They started me
on a chemotherapy drip as well as oxygen, and then they started to take
tests, particularly on my organ functions, so that they could determine what
drugs to use.
I was drifting in and out of consciousness during this time, and I could
feel my spirit actually leaving my body. I saw and heard the conversations
between my husband and the doctors taking place outside my room, about 40
feet away down a hallway. I was later able to verify this conversation to my
shocked husband. Then I actually “crossed over” to another dimension, where
I was engulfed in a total feeling of love. I also experienced extreme
clarity of why I had the cancer, why I had come into this life in the first
place, what role everyone in my family played in my life in the grand scheme
of things, and generally how life works. The clarity and understanding I
obtained in this state is almost indescribable. Words seem to limit the
experience — I was at a place where I understood how much more there is
than what we are able to conceive in our 3-dimensional world. I realized
what a gift life was, and that I was surrounded by loving spiritual beings,
who were always around me even when I did not know it.
The amount of love I felt was overwhelming, and from this perspective, I
knew how powerful I am, and saw the amazing possibilities we as humans are
capable of achieving during a physical life. I found out that my purpose now
would be to live “heaven on earth” using this new understanding, and also to
share this knowledge with other people. However I had the choice of whether
to come back into life, or go towards death. I was made to understand that
it was not my time, but I always had the choice, and if I chose death, I
would not be experiencing a lot of the gifts that the rest of my life still
held in store. One of the things I wanted to know was that if I chose life,
would I have to come back to this sick body, because my body was very, very
sick and the organs had stopped functioning. I was then made to understand
that if I chose life, my body would heal very quickly. I would see a
difference in not months or weeks, but days!
I was shown how illnesses start on an energetic level before they become
physical. If I chose to go into life, the cancer would be gone from my
energy, and my physical body would catch up very quickly. I then understood
that when people have medical treatments for illnesses, it rids the illness
only from their body but not from their energy so the illness returns. I
realized if I went back, it would be with a very healthy energy. Then the
physical body would catch up to the energetic conditions very quickly and
permanently. I was given the understanding that this applies to anything,
not only illnesses — physical conditions, psychological conditions, etc. I
was “shown” that everything going on in our lives was dependant on this
energy around us, created by us. Nothing was solid — we created our
surroundings, our conditions, etc. depending where this “energy” was at. The
clarity I received around how we get what we do was phenomenal! It’s all
about where we are energetically. I was made to feel that I was going to see
“proof” of this first hand if I returned back to my body.
I know I was drifting in and out between the two worlds, but every time I
drifted into the “other side”, I was shown more and more scenes. There was
one which showed how my life had touched all the people in it — it was sort
of like a tapestry and showed how I affected everyone’s lives around me.
There was another which showed my brother on a plane, having heard the news
I was dying, coming to see me (this was verified to me as when I started to
come round, my brother was there, having just got off a plane). I then saw a
glimpse of my brother and me and somehow seemed to understand it was a
previous life, where I was much older than him and was like a mother to him
(in this life, he is older than me). I saw in that life I was very
protective towards him. I suddenly became aware he was on the plane to come
and see me, and felt “I can’t do this to him — can’t let him come and see
me dead”. Then I also saw how my husband’s purpose was linked to mine, and
how we had decided to come and experience this life together. If I went, he
would probably follow soon after.
I was made to understand that, as tests had been taken for my organ
functions (and the results were not out yet), that if I chose life, the
results would show that my organs were functioning normally. If I chose
death, the results would show organ failure as the cause of death, due to
cancer. I was able to change the outcome of the tests by my choice!
I made my choice, and as I started to wake up (in a very confused state, as
I could not at that time tell which side of the veil I was on), the doctors
came rushing into the room with big smiles on their faces saying to my
family “Good news — we got the results and her organs are functioning — we
can’t believe it!! Her body really did seem like it had shut down!”
After that, I began to recover rapidly. The doctors had been waiting for me
to become stable before doing a lymph node biopsy to track the type of
cancer cells, and they could not even find a lymph node big enough to
suggest cancer (upon entering the hospital my body was filled with swollen
lymph nodes). They did a bone marrow biopsy, again to find the cancer
activity so they could adjust the chemotherapy according to the disease, and
there wasn’t any in the bone marrow. The doctors were very confused, but put
it down to me suddenly responding to the chemo. Because they themselves were
unable to understand what was going on, they made me undergo test after
test, all of which I passed with flying colors, and clearing every test
empowered me even more! I had a full body scan, and because they could not
find anything, they made the radiologist repeat it again!!!!
Because of my experience, I am now sharing with everyone I know that
miracles are possible in your life every day. After what I have seen, I
realize that absolutely anything is possible, and that we did not come here
to suffer. Life is supposed to be great, and we are very, very loved. The
way I look at life has changed dramatically, and I am so glad to have been
given a second chance to experience “heaven on earth”.
NDERF INTERVIEW WITH ANITA MOORJANI
Anita Moorjani was born in Singapore and then lived in Sri Lanka until she
was 2 years old. An ethnic Sindhi woman from India, her family then moved to
Hong Kong where she grew up speaking fluent Sindhi, Cantonese and English,
as well as being conversant with a multitude of cultural idioms. She was
educated in English schools in Hong Kong and later studied in England before
returning to Hong Kong to take up a senior management position for a French
fashion company where she traveled all over the world using her
multi-cultural, multilingual background in a variety of business and social
settings. In December 1995, she married her husband and soulmate, Danny, who
loves her unconditionally (and still does, despite her becoming a NDE freak
In April 2002 she was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and after nearly 4
years of battling the disease, she was taken to the intensive care unit of
her local hospital in February 2006 where she was given less than 36 hours
to live. Her remarkable NDE and seeming miraculous recovery from cancer has
created enormous interest and commentary on an international scale.
NDERF: Hi Anita. It’s nice to talk to you again. It’s only been a few months
since your NDE and recovery, so I was wondering how are you feeling these
days? Has media and public interest in your experience had any effect on
your ability to come and go as you please?
ANITA: Physically, I’m feeling really great, thanks for asking. I don’t
recall having this much energy at my disposal ever before. As for the media
and public interest, that’s been a lot of fun. It’s not that people
recognize me straight off the bat, you know. I mean, a lot of people have
heard my story, but most don’t know what I look like, because they’ve mostly
either read about me on the internet, or heard about me on the radio. (I’m
becoming a regular on Chinese radio!!)
It’s only when I introduce myself that people say “ohhhhh, so you’re the
Anita that died!!”
Another fun aspect is that I am getting a lot of invitations to attend
social as well as spiritual gatherings. What I love most is that people keep
hugging me. When they meet me, they say “I was really moved by your
experience. Can I have a hug?” And of course, I say “sure!” I just love that
NDERF: Yes, and I can see you are becoming expert at giving cyberhugs on the
forum. Now you can hug worldwide! What has been the most difficult part
adjusting to 3 dimensional reality since returning from your experience?
ANITA: That’s a good question. The most difficult part is not being able now
to see this world in the same way as everyone else does. I don’t see things
the same way as most people, nor can I process information in the same way I
used to. I can’t. It feels like I have seen beyond the illusion of this
physical world, and I can’t go back to thinking the way I used to. Sometimes
I feel misunderstood. One of my fears is of becoming lonely, should no one
NDERF: Yes, I can imagine there would be a sense of loneliness that could
come with an experience that is difficult to put into language. Can you tell
me more about how this way of thinking affects your physical reality?
ANITA: When I was in the NDE state, it felt like I had woken up to a
different reality. It felt like I had awoken from the “illusion” of life,
and from that perspective, it looked like my physical life was just a
culmination of my thoughts and beliefs up to that point. It felt like the
whole world was just a culmination of mass consciousness. That is, the
culmination of everyone’s thoughts and beliefs. It felt like nothing was
actually real, but we made it real with our beliefs. I understood that even
my cancer was not real, it was also part of the illusion, so if I went back
to my body, I would not have the cancer any more.
And another thing is that, there was this incredible understanding of how we
are all interconnected. And how what I felt within me affects my whole
universe. It felt like the whole universe is within me. As far as I am
concerned, if I am happy, the universe is happy. If I love myself, everyone
else will love me. If I am at peace, the whole universe is peaceful. And so
Also, there is no such thing as time and space in that dimension. It felt
like everything was happening simultaneously. I saw what could be
interpreted as past lives, I saw what was happening currently (my brother on
the plane, and conversations between my family members and doctors), and I
also saw the future of this life pan out. But it was as if they were all
happening at once, and I was living them all at once. It felt like, only
after coming back, my mind has to process it as happening in linear time,
but in that dimension, it didn’t feel that way at all. And distance and
solid walls did not stop me from seeing and hearing everything that
pertained to me at that time.
So now, back into 3D life, it feels like even solid walls and distance only
exist because we decide or believe them to exist.
NDERF: Wow, I can only imagine an experience like that would mess with your
mind!! So can you tell me more about how the NDE has affected the way you
think and process information now?
ANITA: Well, first of all, my view of the world has totally blown apart.
Over these months, I have had doctors telling me, over and over, that what
happened to me is completely unexplainable. Medically, it should not be
possible. They can’t figure out where the billions of cancer cells went in
just a matter of days. Medically, every way they look at it, I should have
died. My organs were shut down. Either the cancer should have killed me, the
drugs should have killed me, or the billions of cancer cells trying to
leave, flooding my shut down system, should have killed me.
In view of what physically happened to me, I am no longer able to see any
physical disability in the same light anymore! Where, in my own mind, would
I draw the line between what is “fixable” or “curable” and what is not? By
what scale or logic would I draw these conclusions from? Certainly not from
what is “medically” possible! I can’t apply that to my life anymore. The
word “impossible” has no meaning to me anymore. The boundaries of what is
possible or not is very shady to me.
I look at everything in our reality, including things like illness and
aging, so differently. I challenge anything that is considered “natural” or
“normal”. To me now, everything feels like human construct — that is, just
another product of personal and mass belief.
Having had the experience I have, it feels like nothing is real, but every
single possibility exists.
I now live my life knowing that I can create my own reality based on these
new truths that I have learned.
NDERF: That’s a really powerful way to live. I want to go into what you say
about creating your own reality, but before I do, just while on the topic of
the physical body, it sounds as if you no longer see the challenges of
illness in the same way — in fact, it almost sounds like you feel
“invincible”. Can you elaborate more on that?
ANITA: OK, before my experience, one of my biggest fears in life was cancer,
another fear was chemo (I watched 2 people die while on chemo), and also I
had a myriad of other fears. It was almost as if my life was being “caged”
in by my fears. My experience of life was getting smaller and smaller.
Now move forward to my NDE. This state caused a huge internal consciousness
shift within me. Seeing through the illusion was a big part of it, feeling
connected to the entire universe was another part, and becoming aware of
being flooded in an all encompassing, loving, energy was also another
factor. This was an energy of unconditional love — an energy that does not
discriminate or judge. This universal energy is there for us no matter who
or what we are. It was in this very awake state that I made the decision to
come back into life. It was one powerful decision to come back and
experience LIFE in this body again. You see, as soon as the choice to live
or die was presented to me, I KNEW that once I made the decision, NOTHING
outside of myself could kill me. NOTHING. Just the fact that I was presented
with the choice and that I had made the decision, made it real. And as soon
as I made the decision, every single cell in my body responded to that
decision, and I healed almost immediately.
The doctors continued to take tests, but could not find anything. I
understood that everything that was being done after that – all the tests,
biopsies, drugs, etc. etc. was being done to satisfy everyone around me, and
although a lot of it was very, very painful, I KNEW that I would be fine. My
higher self/soul/spirit/connection to all that is, whatever you want to call
it, that part of me had decided to continue to live through this body, and
nothing in this physical 3D world could affect that decision. It felt like
any decision made from the real reality far outweighs anything in this
This is that invincible feeling. The feeling that nothing outside of me can
NDERF: Do you think this feeling can be attained by others, or do you feel
that it is something that can only be achieved either by an NDE or by a
ANITA: I strongly believe it is something that can be attained by others. I
certainly don’t feel special, or chosen or anything like that, in any way.
Perhaps one just needs to be at the right “place” psychologically in their
physical lives for something like this to happen.
It can certainly look like this is just a random event that happened to me.
But bear in mind that I had cancer for nearly 4 years. During those four
years, I changed dramatically. Living with terminal cancer at a reasonably
young age and watching yourself deteriorate changes you and your perspective
on life. It can’t not. I feel that those years “prepped” me for exactly the
type of death experience that I had. I don’t know if I would have been
emotionally mature enough to handle such a shift if it happened sooner, like
say, without all the emotional and psychological “clearing” that took place
within me from living with the cancer for almost 4 years. I feel that I had
reached a place in my life that “allowed” this shift to happen. I was
already at a point in my life where I wasn’t particularly attached to any
way of thinking, and had also reached the stage of letting go of desiring
any specific outcome. In my opinion, getting to this point was important for
The NDE gave me that last “push” that I needed, to see beyond the illusion.
And once I saw that the body is not the real me, and that the cancer was
also just an illusion, I was then able to see how loved I am, and I
recognized my own magnificence, and once I made the decision to live, the
physical body only reflected this “new found” state.
I’m sure there are people who are at exactly the right place internally, for
such a shift to take place. And they don’t have to have an NDE for this to
happen. Perhaps all they need to do is to bring into their awareness of what
is possible. And perhaps, just by the fact that something like this has
happened to me, I can be the catalyst for such an awareness to be brought
into their reality.
I believe that once people are willing to expand their minds to let in such
occurrences into their own reality, it may even trigger off further inner
work to allow for such a shift to happen within them. I don’t believe
everyone has to have to have something as drastic as an NDE to see such
miracles occur. Perhaps just a willingness to let go of beliefs which may be
holding them back.
From that state, where this life looked like an illusion, it looked like our
strong attachment to certain beliefs is what holds the illusion in place.
Perhaps a willingness to look at and let go of beliefs that may be holding
us back could help us to move forward faster, as a mass consciousness.
NDERF: This now takes me back to a question I differed earlier. How do we
create our reality
ANITA: From the perspective of the other dimension, it really felt like
nothing is real, only our beliefs about them make them so. Now knowing that,
I review what I believe, and only hold on to what serves to expand my life,
and let go of anything that feels restricting, or doesn’t make me feel
positive in any way.
I feel that once you start believing that something is possible, you start
to let it into your awareness, and then it starts to become true for you.
The more you believe it, the more it starts to become real for you. This is
why it is so, very important to believe in positive things, rather than
negative things. Whatever you believe, you will find that you are correct.
The universe has a way of presenting to you exactly what you believe. If you
think life is great, you are correct. If you think life is tough, you will
be proved correct too.
My own personal intention is to bring to people’s awareness what our human
body is capable of doing, so that they can let it into their belief system.
The more people start to believe it, the more we will start to see this kind
of thing happening.
For example, a miracle is only labeled such because it is an event outside
of our belief system. Once we see it happen, we can start to believe it.
Once we start to believe it, it can then enter into our own reality and
happen more and more often. It’s as simple as that.
NDERF: Yes, if our beliefs create our reality, then it certainly is
important to believe in positive things, and things that serve us, rather
than things that work against us. But how do we do that in a world that is
seemingly so full of negativity?
ANITA: Remember I said earlier that I felt that the Universe is within me?
The external world is only a reflection of my internal world!
A lot of people say that the world is very negative, but that’s not exactly
true. Look around you. EVERYTHING exists simultaneously in this universe,
the positive as well as negativity. There is poverty, there is wealth, there
is sickness, there is health, there is love, and there is hatred and fear,
and there is happiness and there is despair, and so on. And there is NOT
more negative than positive. It’s just because we choose to see the world in
this way, that it feels like there is more negative. And the more we choose
to see it this way, and give it our focus and energy, the more of it we draw
into our lives, and create it in our own personal reality.
Remember, I believe that this reality is created by mass consciousness.
That’s what I felt I broke through, during my NDE. Each of us as individuals
ALWAYS has the choice to choose what we want to see and believe as reality.
NDERF: So if someone’s life was not working for them, how would you suggest
they turn it around?
ANITA: I love this question. It gives me the opportunity to talk about the
importance of unconditional self love. I would strongly suggest practicing
unconditional self love.
Remember, I said that the universe is only a reflection of me. If I am
frustrated with the way life is working for me, it is futile to change the
external elements without looking at what’s going on internally. A lot of us
are very negative towards ourselves. We are our own worst enemies. The first
thing I would say is to stop judging yourself and stop beating yourself up
for where you are in your life right now. If I am finding that I am
constantly frustrated with people, and judging them, it is because that is
how I am internally treating myself all the time. I am only expressing
outward my own inner dialogue to myself. The more I love myself
unconditionally, the easier it is for me to see beauty in this world, and
beauty in others.
If I can love myself and not judge myself, and see my own perfection, then I
will automatically see all these in others! And the more I love myself, the
more love I will have for others. It’s not possible to love another more
than you love yourself. Contrary to popular belief that it’s selfish to love
yourself, this is just so not true. We cannot give what we do not have.
No matter where you are, it is only the culmination of your thoughts and
beliefs up to that point. And you can change it. Remember, I reversed my
cancer at the 11th hour. Even when the doctors said it was too late, it was
still not too late. So the first thing is to realize that it is NEVER too
late to do something, or change anything. It’s important to see the power
that the present moment holds in turning our life around.
If you believe in things like “like attracts like” then the absolute best
way to attract what’s best for you is to love yourself to the point where
you are filled with love, and will only attract to your life everything that
confirms this belief about yourself. It’s actually very simple, really.
NDERF: Can you tell me, how does one become unconditionally loving in a
world that is not always loving?
ANITA: First of all, remember that I feel that the universe is only a
reflection of me. So the unconditional love is not extended out to the world
(or universe), it is unconditional love that I extend inwardly, towards
myself! Each day, I learn to love myself unconditionally.
Also, let me explain that there is a difference between “being loving” and
Being loving means giving love to another whether you have any for yourself
or not. It means giving what you yourself may or may not even have to give.
This type of giving of love can eventually drain you, because we don¹t
always have a limitless supply. And then we look to the other to replenish
our pool of love, and if it is not forthcoming, we stop being loving
ourselves, because we are exhausted.
Being love, on the other hand, means loving myself unconditionally so that
it overflows, and anyone and everyone around me just becomes an automatic
recipient of my love. The more I love myself, the more it flows out to
others. It almost feels like being a vessel for love to flow through. When I
am being love, I don¹t need people to behave a certain way in order for them
to be a recipient of my love. They are automatically getting my love as a
result of me loving myself. So to stop being love, to me, means to stop
loving myself. Hence, I will not stop being love on account of another.
NDERF: So how would you suggest someone elevate their own loving energy?
ANITA: I feel it’s my self-dialogue that either elevates or diminishes the
energy I radiate outwards. When my inner dialogue turned against me, over
time, it depleted my energy, and caused a downward spiral in my external
circumstances. I was always really, really positive on the outside,
effervescent, loving, etc. etc. and still my world was crumbling around me,
and I was getting depleted, and sicker and sicker.
Sometimes, when we see someone who is really positive and effervescent and
kind, yet their lives are crumbling around them we may think “see, this
being positive thing doesn’t work”. But see, here’s the thing. WE DON’T KNOW
that person’s own inner dialogue. We don¹t know what they are telling
themselves, inside their own heads, day in and day out.
Remember, I am not advocating “thinking positive” in a Pollyanna-ish sort of
way. “Thinking positive” can be tiring, and to some people it can mean
“suppressing” the negative stuff that happens. And it ends up being more
I am talking about my own mental dialogue to myself. What am I telling
myself, day in and day out inside my head. I feel it¹s so very important not
to have judgment and fear in my own mental dialogues to myself. When our own
inner dialogue is telling us we are safe, unconditionally loved, accepted,
we than radiate this energy outwards and change our external world
I also think it is very important to see perfection in the moment. The
present moment is very powerful. Each moment holds promise, and each moment
can be a turning point for the rest of your life.
I am often misunderstood when I say that each moment is perfect. And that
everything is perfect. People are afraid of seeing perfection in a situation
that is not of their liking, thinking that seeing perfection means not
changing it. To me, seeing perfection does not mean keeping the situation
static. It means seeing perfection in exactly where you are in your journey
right now, no matter where that may be. Seeing perfection in the journey.
Seeing perfection in the becoming. Seeing perfection in the value of the
mistakes as you are becoming. Seeing perfection in the moment, wherever in
the journey that moment might be. That is seeing perfection.
NDERF: This is very powerful — being able to change the exterior in a very
positive way, just by changing our internal world with a positive,
self-loving, inner dialog. This is a very clear explanation of “The Universe
is Just a Reflection of Me”. It also explains why there is so much
negativity in the world. It must be a reflection of other people’s negative
inner dialogs, being projected outwards. Is that what you feel?
ANITA: Yes, that is exactly what I feel. You want to know the best part
about feeling this positive energy about yourself? I don’t feel I even have
to say anything to anyone to uplift them, but just because of my own loving
self talk to myself, people around me feel my positive presence. Without
even having to say anything, you will start to notice people being attracted
to your positive presence, and be energized by your energy. Your positive
inner dialogue helps elevate others around you even when you are not saying
anything to them, just thinking positive thoughts about yourself!!!! Because
energy just radiates and flows out and touches others!! This is why this
self loving inner dialogue is so very important in making a better world.
Have you noticed that there are people who just seem to light up a room when
they walk in? Or people you just notice, even in a crowd because they are
just radiating energy? You can bet that they have a very positive and strong
self image and are running some very positive internal self dialogue
What are we internally telling ourselves each and every day? Are we just
beating ourselves up, and judging ourselves? Are we too hard on ourselves,
and are we our own worst enemy? That’s the real work!! I feel we must start
by changing that inner dialogue, by loving ourselves more and more, and
then, even without having to say or do anything to anyone, the whole outer
world changes to reflect that inner world. I have really noticed my physical
world and others around me reflecting this.
NDERF: You’ve mentioned this feeling of oneness before. The connection to
everything and the all that is, which you felt while in the NDE state. Can
you elaborate a little more on this feeling
ANITA: In that NDE state, I felt like I was connected to everything. I was
everything, and everything was me. It’s something that is so hard to
explain, because the right words just don’t exist. It felt like there is no
separation, until we come into physical life and look at the world through
the mind. In fact, it felt like the separation IS the mind.
There was SO much clarity in that state, but somehow, it did not feel like
the clarity came from the mind. It’s as if something else was doing the
understanding, and that something else was able to identify the mind as
being separate, and the mind as being the cause for disconnection from the
all that is. It felt like the ego and the mind were one. So in that state,
which is beyond the mind, there was no ego and no attachment. And all was
one. The connection was felt with EVERYTHING. There was no discrimination
and no judgment against ANYONE or ANYTHING. Any crime committed, or any
sickness of the body all stemmed from the same thing. All stemmed from a
separation and disease of the mind, and is also caused by how the mind
interprets the separation.
If we are able to stand outside the mind, there is no problem. We are
perfect. Even imperfection is the creation of the mind. Judgment too.
EVERYTHING. But as soon as we get “into” our minds, we feel a need to
process, and see separation in order to understand. But ALL stem from the
mind. In truth, we are not our minds.
Yet, when in that state, even though I felt one with everything, I still
seemed to recognize myself as a separate being from the oneness, as if I had
my own evolution. It was like I had this mind, which is not me, but I sort
of … had an obligation to “evolve” it as best as I could, but I was
OUTSIDE of my mind looking at it. When we are in the physical, we are INSIDE
our mind looking out. And the separation between all becomes more glaring
It felt like all the problems and the issues of the world stemmed from too
much mind identification. That is the illusion. The mind is the illusion.
But I believe we always have the choice to wake from this illusion. If I
become awake, then by extension, those around me are affected accordingly.
We can live in this world, but choose not to live in the illusion. We can
choose to see right through the illusion and yet express ourselves in the
physical. After my NDE, it feels like this illusion is just human construct.
A construct of the mind.
NDERF: And speaking of “mind,” what are your thoughts on telepathy? Do you
see it as mind to mind communication?
ANITA: It definitely feels like something from beyond the mind, and not mind
to mind. To me, it feels like it’s the connection we have with each other
like I described above, the connection with the oneness, the all that is.
I feel that we connect with others when we are in touch with that universal
connection. Here’s what it feels like for me. Let’s say, for the sake of
argument, I am able to telepathically communicate with you. What has
happened is that I have cleared my mind, and made it more transparent and
become more connected to that universal oneness, and you are doing the same
thing. So, you and I are sort of accessing the same pool of “oneness” info.
But the reason it feels like mind to mind communication is because here in
the physical, we are both communicating and connecting on the mind level.
But because we are both accessing the same info at the same time from that
oneness pool, and then when we use our mind to communicate with each other,
we notice we have both come to the same conclusion, and then we interpret it
as our minds have communicated to each other. But actually, we’ve both
tapped into the same “oneness” pool. That’s sort of how it feels to me.
This is why I feel it is important to keep clearing the attachments of the
mind, and make it more open to being connected to this oneness. And then the
people who are appropriate for us, will connect with us because they will be
at the same level of this clarity, and will be accessing this same oneness
pool from the same level we are. People who are closed are walking around in
a fog, colliding with others who are also in the same fog, and they are
fumbling and struggling along with life. Whereas those with the clarity are
transparent, and practically walk right through the ones in the fog. And no
one can bump into them or derail them, because they are so transparent and
light in their energy. That’s kind of how it feels like to me.
NDERF: I’d like to go a little deeper into your life, perhaps a little into
your past, your beliefs, and how you currently live your life. In your NDE
you said you understood everything about why you were who you are. Can you
elaborate a little more on that and your specific life situation, like your
cultural upbringing and any religious beliefs you may have?
ANITA: OK. I am multi cultural and multi lingual. My parents are from India,
I was born in Singapore, my grand parents lived in Sri Lanka, but I grew up
in Hong Kong, and I had a British education. In addition, when I started
working, partly because of my linguistic skills, my work entailed my
traveling all over the world.
I was born a Hindu, but am not a practicing Hindu. I went to a
multi-national school and was surrounded by Christians, Muslims, Hindus,
Buddhists, Taoists, and so on, as well as people who weren’t religious at
all. Growing up in Hong Kong, religion is not a big factor in our life,
because Hong Kong is very multi cultural. Spiritual beliefs just seem to be
a philosophy that people weave discretely into their own lives.
I personally have no strong beliefs of any denomination, one way or another.
When I was still studying, I was very confused because I couldn’t understand
the glaring contradictions between the different religions (because I was
exposed to many religions), nor could I understand the glaring
contradictions between the religions and the sciences. I couldn’t understand
how we could be taught one thing in a religious studies class, about the
creation of life, and then learn something completely different, about the
same topic, in a science class. I spent a lot of years searching for answers
to my confusion, but never found anything satisfactory. Until I had my NDE,
that is. Now I don’t search anymore. I still don’t know all the answers, but
I don’t feel the need to search anymore. I feel death taught me how to live
Anyway, during the NDE state, I understood the importance of my being
multicultural, and I understood why I had been exposed to extremes in
culture and education (a combination of Eastern and Western). It just all
became so, so crystal clear to me. When I was given the choice of whether to
come back or not, my initial thought was to continue to go into death,
because in that state, there is no attachment to loved ones here. But
immediately, it was followed by the understanding, or clarity of “I now
understand! So let me go back into life and live with this new
Also, there was a lot of clarity around why my (absolutely wonderful)
husband is who he is, and why we had come together. I understood that there
was still a lot we had to do together, and that if I chose death, he would
follow shortly after, as it felt like our purpose was very linked. It also
sort of felt like I would be missing out on a lot of the gifts that life
still held for me, as a result of who I had become up to this point in my
life if I did not come back. In a way, it sort of felt like…”The work is
done. The stage is set. Now just go and be”. Words aren’t adequate, but
that’s sort of it.
NDERF: In your NDE, you mentioned getting a glimpse of a previous life. Do
you believe in reincarnation, and do you think it’s because of your Hindu
ANITA: Actually, truth be told, it’s because of my Hindu background that I
interpreted it that way — as a past life. But in actuality, it felt like
everything else I was experiencing in that state. It was all happening
simultaneously. So in actual fact, it felt like a parallel life. I also saw
my future, and it all felt just as real. Past, present and future. It all
felt like it was happening simultaneously.
There are certain aspects of my experience that even my own mind sometimes
has trouble grasping. But hopefully it will come to me sometime in the
“future”, as I expand my own thinking to encompass it. It’s to do with time
and space not existing in that dimension. So, in answer to your question, I
feel we have to change our concept of time, and how we understand time, to
really grasp an understanding of it. It certainly didn’t feel like
“consecutive lives” or “consecutive events” the way we understand it here in
NDERF: Can you elaborate a little more on how you now live your life, while
being able to see “beyond the illusion?”
ANITA: I sometimes hesitate to use the word illusion, because while we are
here, it feels very real, and it’s the only reality most of us know. It can
be frustrating for people who feel pain to hear that it’s only an illusion.
But that’s not exactly how I mean it. If I may use it in this context, this
is what I mean.
Bear in mind that during that state, it felt like I woke up into a different
reality, a reality where time and space does not exist, and from that
perspective, this physical reality looked like an illusion — a dream. It
felt like even time is an illusion, which we need in the 3D (physical state)
so our mind can process information in a linear fashion. Remember, in that
realm, even brick and mortar walls and physical distance did not stop me
from knowing what I needed to know. And there was no separation in terms of
past present and future either. All was simultaneous. It felt like our
physical mind needs to create the “illusion” of time and space in order to
process this in a linear fashion.
It felt like I had awoken to a state that went beyond mass consciousness,
and that the life I had been living up to this point was just an
illusion/dream created by my thoughts and beliefs and also a culmination of
mass consciousness. It was in this clarity, that I saw that even my cancer
was part of the illusion, caused by my mind and who I believed I was up to
that point in time. I saw that who I truly am is a perfect and powerful
magnificent spiritual being. I understood that no one on this planet is more
or less spiritual than another. It’s just whether we choose to acknowledge
it or not.
And now, I can’t seem to live my life in any other way than with this
knowing that there is nothing to forgive, nothing to judge, (these are all
part of the illusion — mass consciousness beliefs). And I now feel that
“God” is something that is within me, within you, and within every living
creature on this planet. So how can we not be perfect?
So in answer to your question, I feel that the physical world is set up for
us to see imperfection, especially in ourselves. However, the more I look
through that “illusion” and can recognize my own magnificence and express
it, and the more perfection I see in myself, the more wonderfully I am
seeing my life unfold. Remember, I am not saying look for perfection in the
world. I am saying, look for perfection in yourself. In your journey and in
your becoming. And you will see it reflected back to you in the world. Life
has become easier, and I have become much more loving as a result. That is
how I see beyond this “illusion”.
NDERF: Which leads me to the question of your purpose. So would you say that
your purpose now is to just be here, in the physical, and express yourself
in the physical, or is there something more?
ANITA: To me, the purpose is BEING. And that is different from being HERE.
The focus is different. When the focus is on being here, we can get lost
here. The physical world is full of “other people’s version” of life.
Whereas when the purpose is BEING, it means being YOU, and only subscribing
to YOUR version of life (or creating your version of life). To me, it means
being an expression of exactly who I am.
My purpose is to be as much me as I can be!
Before my experience, I used to pursue my purpose externally. But after my
NDE, I discovered there was nothing outside of myself. And there was nothing
to pursue. I just had to be, and the external would fall in to place
NDERF: Can you elaborate a little more on the difference between pursuing
your purpose externally (which is what you used to do), and just “being”
which is what you do now?
ANITA: When we “pursue” externally, we seem to see the world as being
competitive and limited, and we use external measures to judge our
achievements. To me, herein lies the illusion. There is no limited supply of
“beingness”. We seem to measure our “beingness” by the achievement of goals.
I don’t, and neither do most people who are happy. My point is to shift your
views. See the magnificence in your being whether you are rich, or poor,
physically impaired or not, with the one you love, or not, and so on.
I am now just focused on being, and am now the creator of my life — that
is, the artist of my life. I don’t any more sit and think about the external
competition. Each of us is unique, with unique traits and talents. I only
have to express my own “beingness” and “uniqueness”. A true artist doesn’t
really care about whether there is anyone who can create as well as or
better than he. He is too busy expressing himself, purely for the purpose of
expressing. He has found something within, and is only expressing his inner
beauty, and the world shares in it. The more inner beauty you uncover and
express, the more the universe shares in it and reflects it back to you.
That’s the difference between “being” and “pursuing”.
NDERF: Do you think what has happened to you could be attainable by anyone?
ANITA: I don’t know for sure, but it sure feels like it can be. I certainly
don’t feel “chosen” or more special than anyone else on the planet. Do I
feel I can “recreate” this state, now that I have experienced it? The answer
would have to be yes. I feel like I am living my life from this state now.
In terms of others, the way I see it, each person is unique. And each of us
processes information differently. Some of us are more logical, some of us
are creative, some of us are more scientific, some of us rely on religion
for our answers. My point is that it does not matter. We are all unique. I
have a method of processing and expressing which may not be suitable to a
lot of people. I am only a product of my own life situation.
However, I strongly feel that by whatever means a person processes their
life’s information, it should be one that serves them, and expands them and
their views of the changing world (not restricts or limits them and their
Whatever or whoever you are, open yourself up to the possibility that
perhaps life can be different if you think differently from the way you do
In terms of what happened to me, if it can happen to one person, why can’t
it happen more and more? How can we, as a mass consciousness, allow it? How
can we expand ourselves to allow it?
I don’t have all the answers for anyone else except me, because I only know
how I process information. I am only able to process how I allow these
things to happen to me.
But yet, in the state I am now, I can only see perfection in where I am, at
not knowing any absolute answers and making it my own personal journey to
expand myself, and experience more each day. As I express myself more and
more, I feel more connected with the universe.
However, it does feel to me like an attachment to beliefs, and an
unwillingness to let go of them and look at things in a new way is what is
holding mass consciousness behind. But hey, that’s just the way I look at
NDERF: Can you expand on what you mean by people’s attachments to beliefs
and an unwillingness to let go of them may be holding us back as a mass
ANITA: It feels to me now that our “physical” lives have been built around
things seeming to be a certain way. Bear in mind, though, that people depend
on things being a certain way. Livelihoods depend on it. Our health,
wellbeing and safety depend on it.
People’s lives are “built” on certain beliefs and their lives work within
the framework of everyone around them believing that these things are true.
If everyone around you believes in something, you are inclined to believe it
too, and think of it as being true. And your life evolves, as a mass
consciousness, based on these seeming “truths”. This way of being has been
going on for a long time. It has the feel of being solid, with solid
foundations. In that 4D state, it felt like, this is how we created this
present physical reality — this “illusion”. By everybody believing in the
same things. That, in itself, makes it true for the mass consciousness.
If we, as a mass consciousness, believed in something completely different,
then the world would be a culmination of that collective belief. From that
perspective, it really felt like our collective belief created this
“illusion” of truth.
I want to add here, though, that perhaps the way the world is structured
right now, it’s just not ready to know the whole truth. Humankind are not
ready for the “illusion” to be shattered. Everything is held in place by
everyone believing and thinking a certain way.
So if someone came along who is able to see beyond this “illusion”, it is
much easier for those still living within the illusion to “shoot” the
messenger than to alter this “illusion”. It would cause too much uncertainty
and chaos. It can’t be done overnight. Human mass consciousness is not able
to come to terms with it. EVERYTHING would have to be looked at differently
if people saw through the illusion overnight, and it would cause CHAOS, not
peace and love (which those who see beyond the illusion are trying to bring
in). Our medical systems, our judicial systems, our education systems, our
religious systems would have to be COMPLETELY overhauled and re-evaluated.
And it can’t be done overnight.
However, those who see through the illusion, see this. And those who see
this, become focused in creating a reality for themselves based on their own
truths, rather than what has been created by mass consciousness.
The universe is changing at the pace that it is capable of changing, that’s
why those who see beyond the illusion are able to see the perfection in
things being “just so”. The so called “strife” that goes on, the wars, the
disparity between rich and poor, the contradictions in religion and
sciences, this could be just a natural occurrence of a consciousness that is
waking up and starting to see through this man made illusion of mass
Everything is happening at a pace which is perfect for our fragile
consciousness to handle. The way our world is right now, it is not geared up
to deal with the REAL TRUTH. The mass consciousness does not yet seem fully
ready to handle it. Maybe it never will be. Maybe while we are here, we are
meant to deal with things at this level. However, to me, it certainly feels
like this ability (to live beyond the illusion) is something that is
attainable by the individual, should they choose to do so.
NDERF: Thank you so much, Anita, for taking the time to answer these
questions and for going more into depth with your story. Given all the
interest your NDE is generating internationally, I think the things you have
said here are extremely valuable for helping clarify the complexity of your
experience. Much love to you and your family as you continue disseminating
your NDE for all to hear!April 21, 2010 at 10:36 am #33990
REALIZING MY MAGNIFICENCE MEANS ACCEPTING ALL MY FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS
April 27, 2009
Question: What I found most interesting in Anita’s account is that she talks
about the information she got about the influence of her inner attitude on
her life. Now if I understood that correctly it is about somehow being
totally in tune or such … something like being totally yourself. I would
appreciate if she could say more about that. To me, this is actually the key
issue about the NDE. What can we gain from it to live life in a better way?
Anita Moorjani’s Answer: Oh, this one is easy! The number one lesson I
learned is that it’s really important to always be me, and to value myself.
For me, this insight was the key to understanding why I had cancer. Now I’m
not saying I know why others get cancer. But in my case, my biggest insight
was that my inability to value myself was one of the key elements that fed
my own cancer.
Living in a world where I learned to believe that I am not lovable enough,
not deserving enough, and not perfect enough, until and unless I could live
up to some unrealistic expectation of what it means to be perfect, is a big
part of what caused my body to become sick and fall apart. I bought into a
fictitious belief of what it means to be perfect. But my experience caused
me to become aware of the fact that I was never less than perfect or less
than magnificent. I just thought I was, and thinking and believing these
untruths is what eventually drove me to become sick. I had been spending my
life, up to that point, trying to attain something I already was.
Also, I used to mistakenly think that “positive thinking” is all that is
required to lead a positive life. I learned, however, that it is far more
important to be yourself than it is to be positive. And sometimes, being
yourself does not necessarily mean being positive, and it’s important to
know that that’s ok too.
I agree that it’s good to find things in life to feel positive about, and
it’s wonderful if we are able to cultivate a disposition where we can easily
find things to feel positive and grateful for. But I have learned to be
careful not to deny myself the right to feel bad, negative, angry, etc, when
I am really feeling that way. It’s not always easy to be positive,
especially if things are not going well at a particular time. So it’s even
worse when we are adding to a bad situation by judging our negative feelings
about the situation!
Prior to my experience, I would have suppressed those emotions and not
allowed myself to express them, because I would have judged them as being
negative. I always thought I had to be positive. But by suppressing these
emotions, I was denying a very real part of myself. In essence, I was
sending a message to myself that parts of my being were not deserving of
being expressed. And as I continued to deny these emotions, they only became
bigger. As you probably already know, what you suppress only pushes against
you even harder. So over a period of time, it became harder and harder to
keep those negative emotions under wrap. Which means, it became harder and
harder to be the positive person I was trying so hard to be, because I was
just so focused on trying to suppress the negative emotions! Trying to stay
positive then just becomes an energy drain.
Realizing my magnificence means accepting all my feelings and emotions (and
not just the positive ones) without judging them. None of our emotions are
actually negative. We only judge and label them so. I have since learned to
embrace all my feelings and emotions without judgment, and this makes it
much easier for me to be a happier, lighter and more positive person, and
relieves me of the burden of trying to be positive during times when I don’t
actually feel that way.April 21, 2010 at 2:56 pm #33992
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