August 16, 2010 at 1:49 am #35013
I come into contact with some old wounds from a love affair from quite along time ago. Well I was 20 then and now I am 42. We where both madly in love but the story still ended up misserably.
Sometimes I have a feeling that this is one of the major causes of my illness today.
What come up to me tonight was actually now I remember. I was dreaming, both of us had a nice thing each from hour relationship, suddenly the girl suggested that we should exchanges the things we had with eachother. I realy didn´t want to do it first, beacase the thing I had was so valuable to me, but I realised that her thing was as valuable to her as mine to myself, so I thougth it might be a good idea, and to see what will emotionally happen. I remember that her thing was a litle bag or something with pearls and read or ping, formed to a heart, quite girlish qute thing, mine thing I have forgotten.
The dream told me that the exchange symbolises a new whilingness to accept what had happened in the past on a deeper level. I guess this is the starting point for healing the old wounds.
I wake up with the feeling for or need for some symbolic act or some kind of threatment or healing of the old trauma. And to do something together with the girl. That I still have possibilities to meet if I want to.
One idea was to do a funeral act with a non born child from our love afair.
This is realy no question. Well I guess what I am after is if Wendy in particular or somebody else have some ideas about this. Some own experiences with old wounds and taking care of them in some symbolical or other way, is what I am interested in.
Sincerely SDAugust 16, 2010 at 6:00 am #35014
I will do my best to answer you:
If you want to do a ‘ceremony’ your intention must be very clear. What I notice though is that there two voices in your posting. Maybe you were not clear but if I read it as I do I see that there is a letting go desire and ‘meeting again’ desire.
These are two conflicting intentions. If you want to ‘heal’ the past with a ceremony you must have a clear intention to begin with.
So maybe it is useful ~ at least for me ~ to find out how those two feelings ARE.
Engage in both voices (if there are two?) and sense how they make you feel.August 17, 2010 at 1:37 am #35016
Thanks for your words.
There are so many things going on just now in my life so this old issue
has to wait. But still it was coming up from my inside.
I respond back shortly to your responce. But has to go deeper into this later on.
I think that you are right in that it is important to be clear about the intentions. I think you also might be right in that there is a huge risk that there is another intention of meeting again. That has been the case before and that has been the reason for many years to let this pass. My feelings though are that this time it is now a meating again that is my inner need. It is just a meeting again to clear out old issues we had. It might actually be exactly this thing that has changed. After 22 years we might finaly be ready to go into this without the need to create a new relationship except the meating for clearing out the old.
This is what I am feeling for the moment. But it will come up alot of feelings in such a process and I can´t tell for shore if there is another intention behind.
Regariding many things happening in my life for the moment. Yeasterday I was writing a long post about what is happening in my country today. It was about right wing gouvernments treatment of the health insurance system. Many ill people in my country take theire lifes going thrue all the demands created by the government. I can´t explain it short. But the gouvernment has changed the health insurance system to the lowest level amoungst all the countries in the OECD. America, Western Europe and Australia basically. I´m going thrue all this for the moment and are dealing with.
The risk of loosing my master degree exame, the right to continue
Health problem that might be worse due to ecomomic issues and stress and worries
The demand to be at a gouvenrmental institution to search job, the time that I not work.
Long travel times to the job I already have.
Social conflicts at the job I am at.
Starting teaching a new class and having the demand from my boss to also take other classes as well, which I didn´t know about untill wery resently.
No good relationship with a doctor that might help me with health insurance issues
Wery bad treatment from one person at the gouvernmental instituation dealing with health insurance issues, my case.
All in all wery much stress and pressure on me for the moment. I have to say a bit to much and I hope I find out a way to deal with it. First time since wery long that I have difficulties finding a strategy for how to accomplich my goals: Short term goals: Working for better health, Taking my master degree, Dealing with my financial situation.
And the biggest question of all. Why the hell does the majority of the people in my country wote for a right wing extremist party, that only make things wery much easier for the rich and make pressure on the population so that even many take theire lifes! I find it wery difficult to undesrtund.
I might give my wersion of what happens in my country at saturday, my non working day. Now I have to deal with some of the issues.
SDAugust 18, 2010 at 2:35 pm #35018
For what you are going thru at this time – I wish you all the best. I know that I have had very big mountains to climb in my journey of life, some that I made myself and some that were given to me. In all that I have experienced I would have to say that learning to meditate and meditating in stillness for 15 minutes minimum every night has helped me maintain a healthier balance in all that I do. It really does help. No breathwork, just center your thoughts on one of the dantians and be still – I say buddho, buddho, buddho at the start of it, over and over again but after about 3 minutes I am out. I should remain partly aware but I just seem to leave We have a timer that brings us back. Every time, after we finish the meditation I am much calmer, much happier with my spouse, and very relaxed. This time also gives me answers to what I need to do for myself, for health, for life. (I took a course with a meditation master (70 years experience – he is 90 years old now). Did a lot of of meditation. 30 minutes walking, 30 minutes sitting 5 days a week for most of 6 months. Completed the course last year but also took the course twice before without finishing. It is like when I am ready for the next piece I go and meditate with him and the monks. It is good – non-denominational – Buddhist based but anyone and everyone can practise it)
Your answer to all you need to know lies within you. You must have the courage to look at the answer without emotion, without expectation. The trick is to learn to see and hear with clarity.
When you are ready to let go of the past:
I did something that a friend told me to do to release some connections to past teachers. I did a ceremony, used some incense, said some prayers and then I asked the universe to release me from all of the connections that were not for the goodness of my spiritual, physical, emotional state and development – to release me through the divinie light. I asked that all that was given to me be given back thru the divine light and I asked that all that was taken from me be given back to me thru divine light. Everything thru divine light as this purifies your intention and it will not produce karma. I then imagined myself holding a sword and cutting the sword, severing the energetic cords around me – all thru divine light. It was kind of strange. Because of the state I was in I could actually see the cords I was cutting. Afterwards, just to make sure … I asked that all cords that I require for the goodness of my emotional, spiritual and physical state be reinstated – thru divinie light. Because thru our lives we connect to family and others who “need” us or we “need” them. These are not manipulative ties but love ties. These are different than the ones that are created to pay back to people we meet – when they have given or taught us. I did not want to lost those.
The next days afterwards, it was refreshing. I noticed that I no longer felt like I was being pulled in 5 different directions. I noticed that when opportunity arose I did not go in the past direction, I heard past teacher’s call to come to a workshop, but I just said no. It is clearer now. I have me back. You can do the same and do not have fear. Because if you and your past lover are to have a future again, then new cords can and will be created with new love for each other. It is much healthier to cut the old and build new – if the old is stagnant and has wounded you. Release the wounds thru devine light and build new life within divine light. Once you cut away that which does not serve your higher self, the good health of your mind, body, spirit and soul – then you can bring that which is good for you to you and you will see it for what it truly is.
All you have to do is ask. Ask for clarity.
Maybe all that you are hanging on to now. Do you need it all? I don’t live in your country. I would not know. I only know that simple is best. Our life situations, maybe they cannot change, but the way that we look at them can. Change the way you feel about your job(s), change the way you feel about the people and health care. Be positive. Take what is good and buld from that. What IS good about the health care. Use it. What isn’t good just mentally record it. And bring it energy to change it. Ask for change thru divine light. Ask that it be done with grace and compassion. Pray every day for this. Pray that you have happiness and compassion and grace and good health in mind, body, spriit and soul. The energy change from negative to positive will bring you better things. Ask that the universe help you and it will. Be patient. Keep praying. Keep positive. If you are discouraged about one thing then turn from it for awhile and thing on another and be positive about it. If you have to turn from it for awhile because you are getting discouraged do it. Just keep your thoughts clear, positive. It can be difficult. Listen to good music. Listen to laughter. This is healing.
Ask the universe to heal you and it will bring to you what you need. Ask thru the divine light.
Best wishes to you.
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