November 26, 2006 at 12:39 pm #19484
Subject: Enlightenment Quiz
Weve finally discovered a method to measure how truly spiritual you are. As with all Truth, it is incredibly simple. Just take the test below and add up your score. You could be an Avatar (and as the old saying goes: An Avatar is better than no tar at all.)
1. Yin and ………
2. A Zen koan is ……..
A) A Jewish Buddhist
B) All of the above
C) None of the above
D) None of the above
3. Just before total God-realization I would see…….
A) A blue pearl
D) How would I know?
4. Lao-Tsu is…….
A) Shrimp with fried rice
B) The Atman Brothers
C) A Japanese word for sneeze
D) One of the above
5) Jivatman and Atman merge to become…….
B) The Atman Brothers
C) Jivatman & Atman Inc.
D) Mr. & Mrs. Atman
6) The word or words which best describes the relationship of God,
Guru, and Self is:
D) Just good friends
7) Which of the following is not a name of the Lord?
D) Charlton Heston
8) If you swap a Swami with a Yogi you get…….
A) A Swogi
B) A Salami
9) Carlos Castaneda is:
A) A flamenco dancer
B) A resort near San Juan
C) The 2nd baseman for the LA Dodgers
D) The guitarist for Santana
10) Om Mani Padme Om means:
A) O Manny, pardon my home
B) Money talks, nobody walks in
C) If u cn rd ths msg u cn gt a gd jb
D) Sanskrit for, Never having to say you’re sorry
11) The sound of one hand clapping is:
A) Very quiet
B) Similar to smiling with one lip
C) A Zen record shop
D) Like the “p” in swimming
12) Linguine is to fettucine as kundalini is to:
A) Eenie meenie
C) Harry Houdini
D) Pepto Bismol (this is a silly answer)
13) The Tao Te Ching is:
A) The new premier of China
B) A new record by Cheech and Chong
C) I Ching’s older brother
D) A massage parlor in Beijing
14) You arrive at a party and your host says, “Far out, I want to
take the responsibility for creating space in your universe so you
can experience your experience.” He means:
A) “Have a good time”
B) “Don’t eat the Swedish meatballs”
C) “I just completed EST training”
D) Nothing anyone would understand
15) If three devotees can meditate for a total of nine hours, how
many devotees would it take to mow the lawn?
16) If three devotees can mow the lawn in one hour, how many stoned
devotees would it take to meditate until nobody cared?
17) If shakti was rising toward the fourth chakra at a rate of 3.5
pranayamas per second, and at the same time an energy force was
traveling in the opposite direction at a rate of 4.8 pranayamas per
second, what time would it be in Chicago if we woke up in Los
_______Ramakrishna is a cereal made with rice and maple flavoring.
_______Satori is better than nirvana and samadhi except on
weekends and holidays.
_______Sufi dancing is like square dancing only rounder.
_______The Tibetan Book of the Dead is a novel by Harold Robbins.
0-5 points: You are hopelessly attached to the wheel of life and
death. Try again next incarnation!
6-10 points: You are largely unconscious and stuck in worldly
10-15 points: You are so-so on the enlightenment scale. Keep reading
“What is Englightenment?”.
15-20 points: You are a very conscious being; with a little good
karma you could go a long way.
20-25 points: You are very close to God
(taken off Emma Bragdon’s website: http://www.emmabragdon.com)
[where to find the answer key? AH – that is the TRUE test…..]November 26, 2006 at 1:13 pm #19485
I feel let down on #13 I was hopeful for a New Tommy Chong hit! No wonder I cant find it in any of these 81 chapters of lyrics man,..ha haNovember 26, 2006 at 1:27 pm #19487
It’s WAY too easy.
For example, OBVIOUSLY ALL DANCES are rounder than square dances. Also, anyone who knows Chinese medicine would know about yin and tonic. I could go on. I’m really quite surprised at you. NNNovember 26, 2006 at 8:00 pm #19489
There was way too much intelligent posting going on on this forum.
This was a mindless sitcom break, to make you feel smarter than the quiz maker.
mNovember 26, 2006 at 11:34 pm #19491November 27, 2006 at 9:00 am #19493November 27, 2006 at 11:19 am #19495
Your blank-rhymed limerick was way too zen for me.
Try this one:
THE LEWINSKY and KACZYNSKI LIMERICK
The Washington Post runs a weekly contest in its Style section called
the “Style Invitational.” The requirements this week were to use the
two words Lewinsky (The Intern) and Kaczynski (the Unabomber) in the same
limerick. The following winning entries were printed in the
> Third place:
> There once was a girl named Lewinsky,
> Who played on a flute like Stravinsky,
> ‘Twas “Hail to the Chief”
> On this flute made of beef
> That stole the front page from Kaczynski.
> Second place:
> Said Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky
> “We don’t want to leave clues like Kaczynski Since you made such a
> Use the hem of your dress And please wipe off your chinsky.”
> And the winning entry:
> Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
> What Kaczynski must surely have known
> That an intern is better
> Than a bomb in a letter
> When deciding how best to be blownNovember 27, 2006 at 11:47 am #19497
There once was a young man from Peru
Whose limericks always ended on line two
and my absolute favourite:
There once was a limerick by me
That didn’t rhyme at all
It didn’t have those two middle lines
That are shorter than the other two
Or any scansion of any kind.
And it had one line too many.November 27, 2006 at 3:11 pm #19499
A remarkable man named Pietro
Found his balls were too big for the metro.
He was forced to commute
In a big iron suit –
People said that his style was too retro.November 27, 2006 at 5:15 pm #19501
I want to be a swogiNovember 27, 2006 at 10:43 pm #19503
When a monk is caught napping,
It’s not enough to sound out with one hand clapping…
But I’d rather be a carefree taoist drunk,
Than a comfortably napping monk,
Receiving from the master a stern slapping!November 27, 2006 at 11:35 pm #19505
Though my last limerick’s scansion was off,
As a drunk taoist at stiff rules I scoff;
Being of quick wit,
And terribly fit,
The chains of creed I easily cast off!November 28, 2006 at 2:11 am #19507
There was a sorcerer named Nnonnth
Who avoided the island of Bonth,
being stuck in a rut
and called jabba the hutt
were things he disliked to the ten millionthNovember 28, 2006 at 7:47 am #19509
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