See you later, alligators.

Hello everybody. Hope all is as well with you as it can be.

I’m going to be trying to avoid web dialogue for a bit, both here and in “the other place”, so I thought I’d leave y’all with a summary of my recent thoughts and doings.

My dilemma for the last year or so, as I’ve mentioned before, has been that I’ve met two very very advanced Buddhist teachers.

Now in general, in my current state of ignorance, I’m more inclined towards Taoism than Buddhism. I like the idea that there are more positive responses to life than escape. I like the idea that we can enjoy the process of being and all the connections to the macrocosm, rather than just diving for the emptiness behind it all. I like to think that there are some positives to all this tripping around in duality.

Ironically, however, the happiest people I’ve met are these Buddhists. And while they buy into the whole Buddhist cosmology (wheel of samsara, suffering, get out if you can… ) they’re clearly not in any hurry themselves, and seem very much at peace.

Added to this, in fact preceeding it, was the unfortunate recognition that in four years or so I hadn’t gotten very good at taoism. Now I have reams of excuses. I’m a very cerebral type, who had, furthermore, been abusing his body and mind for some time. I clearly needed lots of preparatory medical type practices, just to have enough health and energy to play with. But nobody told me that and I didn’t ask.

I’m not blaming anyone. We’ve had this discussion before, here, about how the alchemy practices were actually intended for people who’d done years of very rigorous, guided preparation.

(Indeed if you believe “Opening the Dragon Gate” the apprentice had to die and be brought back to life at the end of part one, part two was another three years or so of intensive continuous daily guidance from three amazingly advanced beings, and then alchemy was included in part three. Serious divination was required to find the one student who could possibly handle it all!)

I still think it’s better to have these teachings available than not, so people can maybe get a glimpse. I certainly would not have such a clear idea now of how far I have to go, if I had not had a chance to try and fail at higher practices. Maybe it would help if people were assessed and told whether they were ready, but Taoism is about nothing if not personal responsibility.

I remember once telling Michael Winn how I was just starting to realise how much preparation this whole proposition involved. He gave me a huge grin and nodded very vigorously. Now and again I recall that he did 4 to 8 hours of kundalini yoga daily for four years before he even started Taoist stuff.

So anyway, I stopped going to alchemy retreats. Loved the cosmology, loved the understanding, enjoyed the transmission, but took away nothing I could practice and feel I was really doing it.

So I start hanging with the buddhists. Thinkiing of myself as a taoist working undercover, trying to steal some heavy-dooty preparatory moves. And yes, I got individual attention and assessment, herbs, exercises, some awesome dharma talks, and a chance to see how frantically unstill my mind really is, and how conceited and envious I am.

And I’m still there. Working on basic energetic health and mental stillness. Getting a new model. As follows :

Mind projects spirit out of body. Dreaming, desiring, worrying, visualising. Space in body is filled by karma, fold upon endless layer of it, which is physical, visible with practice, and tangible on release. Spirit needs to be returned to body. For taoist and buddhist alike. Health and karmic release results.

And the very simple practices to that end are what I’ve decided to do until the end of 2005, at least. I’m not entirely happy with it, but it seems by far the most effective way to get to a point where I can maybe become qualified to judge between various other plans. Which I’m clearly not right now.

(are you?)

Otherwise I will end up just following fashions, going with whatever I’ve heard most recently, and keep the mind busy comparing and contrasting. I’ve had enough of that, which is why I’m going to tiptoe away from this most enjoyable forum.

I may be back. Wish me luck.

Ian

P.S. William Bodri is the devil, the very spawn of beelzebub. I can’t prove it and I don’t yet know why. But he is. “Meditations for beautiful skin”, my arse.