semen retention and multiple partners

Hello

It is an interesting subject! I have no answer to you. I have never been with many girls at the same time. But I have been thinking about the subject, some and been reading about it.

I have a teacher I visit from time to time from the Indian tantra system. She has multiple partners. She lives with many, I guess men, at the same time. What she teaches is that you have to be in love with them, otherwise it is equal to prostitution.

I don´t think of it so dramatically. I think there are several different ways to live your life. What seems to be the idealistic relationship is where you combine sex and love. and also spirituality. But I don´t think life always follows idealistic situations. Things happens in life and perhaps during periods of time you need to examine different paths.

To have sex with a woman or have many partners at the same time is not bad. To hurt people or manipulate people is bad though. I feel that sincerety of what it is all about is important. It will be more difficult if the woman you are with are in love with you, then it might not be right to continue, I don´t know.

Mantak Chia writes something about that if you not are in love with the person you have sex with it is anyway important to act in a loving and suportive way, especially if you are practising sexual kung fu. That is beacase sexual energy expands any feelings and there might be alot of bad feelings if you have sex, do retention, and treat the woman badly.

I think at least some taoists text recomend you to have one woman at a time, beacase it takes enough to ballance one realationship at a time. To mix with many woman migth be a difficult thing. But I have also read taoist that writes about having more than one woman at a time and even having sex with more than one woman at the same moment.

Someway it is always up to you to decide if you are ready to go into a sincere relationship or if you just want to play around. To decide to be in a serious relationhip is your own choise and I think you should not think about it as an obligation for you when you are having sex with a woman. To have sex after you newly have met eachother is a thing that of course just is sex and nothing else. There is no need to moralise against that. The sex might be equaly needed for both of you. But of course even thoug you thing you are out for just sex you might be in love with the woman, and then you perhaps want to be with her even though your life is in some kind of mess. If you both are in love there might be a chanse that you can handle your situation anyway.

Something with taoism is that you should not have fixed moral rules to follow. Instead you should learn to feel what is right from situtaion to situaiton and be able to adapt your behaviour to the sercomstances. But perhaps you are not always able to find the right solution to your life in any sitution. Antother thing I can see from some taoist text, I ching for example, is not to hurry. If you not hurry with your love or sex affairs you have more time to feel what is right or what is wrong. I think when it comes to sex it is enough to feel if the sex seems to be right for both of you, then it propably is right to.

I think that if you want to have multiple sex partners the most important thing is to relay declare for the woman you are daiting, that this is your intention. You are living your life in this way at least for the moment. And then you know you have no obligations to do anything else either. You have to make this wery clear so that it not can be missunderstood, thats what I think.

I one taoistish system that I have studied a litle the woman have multiple sex partners and she meet them just for a couple of times to not create emotions betwean them, so that they can meet just sexualy.

There are many things that makes this a bit difficult to accomplish. Perhaps you will feel empty after a while if you just have sex and not any emotional relationship. There is also a possibility that it will create a feeling of being used or guilt of just using the woman for sex. Such and other feelings might create alot of unhappiness and the sex might not be worth it. But I think that you have to examine all this for yourself. I think at least that it is not worth to listen to some kind of morality that tells you that this is wrong. I don´t think it is wrong by itself, it deepends on the situation.

There seems to be many difficult obstacles with beeing with many woman at the same time. I think there is as many obstacles and oportunities as it is when you are in a more normal relationship.

At least if you have many girls or woman at the same time you have the opportunity to find out about what feels right for yourself. You have the opportunity to get experiences. And you might even find the one you might to marry! Scarry isn´t it! And then there might not be any need for meeting anybody else. That was what happened to Wendy on this forum, and we talked about this issue for not so long ago.

One important thing is if you want to go into a serious relationship then it has to feel realy right. In the meantime it is up to you to treat your sexuality in the wisest possibel way.

Doing retention you get also alot of sexual pros. It is important I think to not use the woman in a bad way, whatever that means? Pehaps you have to learn to be realy loving supporting and understunding, if you want to do this in the right way.

How would you deal with the situations that might arise that a woman will be realy in love with you, while you are having sex with her and with other woman. How will you deal with the situation that you yourself will fall in love and you not want to have a relationship?

This is big issues! The taoism is a realy free religion conserning these matters, it deals with sexuality alot more with a sence of what is healthy than with morality. I think the western moral view about sex is realy terrible and we need to find new wais of dealing with sex. Perhaps you should be more conserned about is this sex you do with the women healthy or not healthy. Is it good for you and the women and people around.

I had newly a relationhip for instance with a married woman and I decided to not have intercourse with that women before she could be with me openly, which she never could. I thought that it should not be good for non of us in the long run if we created a emotinal and sexual relationhip, at the same time that she lived with her husband that not new about what was happening. I thought somehow that that situtation should create bad karma. But perhaps I was wrong, perhaps we had been together now in a nice love afair, but no I don´t think so.

Do some experiment with this and realise that you have right to do it, if that is what you need. Try to be onest loving and supporting. Try to think not only on yourself, but if this is good to everybody involved. Enjoy the moments. Do not heistate. Be careful with owerindulgence with sex. Not either think that your life sitation necessarily has to be perfect to create a good nice relationship. Try to fix your problems whatever they are, and try to be somewhat realistic about your options in life, and what you realy need, even at more basic levels as well as at spiritual levels.

Well use a condome so that you not get or give venerical deaseses. Enjoy life and also let unexpected things happen. Follow the flow so to speak. Decide from moement to moement what is right or wrong and skip the fixed rules that you have from your society.

That was just some thougth about this huge and interesting subject.

SD

From my understanding Taoism would be the middle way (balance and harmony). There is no sense in denying or repressing, you should seek to balance out your desires though without going to extremes (you have to decide how many partners are an extreme). The introspective question to ask though is what desires are to be balanced out through one or multiple partners? Is it an energetic imbalance Yin energy that can also be gotten through the Earth’s energy or is it something emotional that may be another part of the transition after a long relationship? Asked another way, when you were in the long relationship I assume you had ONE partner, now that you aren’t what is wanting the hedonistic lifestyle now of going from one to possibly many? The answer(s) are neither right or wrong, they just need to be worked on.

You didn’t mention if you practice Fusion, but I think Fusion of the Five Elements and Semen Retention go hand in hand. A lot of the time there is an emotional drive/desire behind an action/intention. Doing Fusion tries to balance that emotional intention. I bring the emotional part up as you mentioned it has been painful for four years (I am sure it has.), and that you aren’t ready for a relationship. Again, non judgemental, I would guess a part of you wants something again but you may have too much baggage still so you are shying away from a relationship on any level. Hope this helps, regards.

This is a very interesting question for me.

Since starting to practice with healing love techniques (HLT), my viewpoints about sex have changed dramatically. I personally try to avoid one night stands anymore.

My whole perspective is very different now because the goal of sex is so profoundly altered. Before HLT, I wanted to ejaculate at least every week or so. If I did not, I would get seriously uncomfortable to say the least. At the same time, I did not like to masturbate. I always felt it was a waste and a little bit shameful. It felt wrong not to share the experience with someone.

Even then I did not seek out one night stands because I felt that they were not very satisfying. Like you, I did not want to try to lie to or trick women either. Many times I went with prostitutes. Sometimes that was a lot of fun, but I always knew that it was still just a poor substitute for a real intimate relationship.

Since I started exploring long-term retention practice (Jan 2010), I have completely lost interest in going with any pros. I no longer have the weekly or bi-monthly issue of needing to ejaculate. Therefore it is pointless to go with a pro.

Master Chia says that you should make sure that you truly love someone before having sex with her. He explains this very thoroughly in the book, co-authored by Michael Winn, “Taoist Secrets of Love; Cultivating Male Sexual Energy”, in Chapter 12, “Commonly Asked Questions . . .”; Question #13 “If the goal is to build up one’s sexual energy, what’s the harm of sleeping with a lot of different women (or men) to increase your ching chi?”

In answering the question, Master Chia talks about the bonding that occurs between lovers and explains, “This practice accelerates this union,…”.

Even back in 1997, before learning any of this Taoist stuff, I had an intense sexual experience with a hot young woman which left me eager for more, but for her it was just a one night stand. I remember being very disappointed that I did not get to see her again. Now with HLT, this type of event is magnified by orders of magnitude.

And this is a lesson that I learned the hard way before I read the above-cited book. I had already read “The MO Man”, but I had not read the Chia/Winn book which had been written 15 years earlier. I described my experience in detail in my history which I shared in my first post on this forum (click the link at the bottom of this post).

In brief, I had multi-orgasmic sex several times per day for about 17 days with a woman who had a lot of karmic baggage. In those days, I did not practice retention on an ongoing basis. However, I only ejaculated at the end of each day and was ready for more the next morning.

The bond that was built up between us was massive, even after only a few days. It is what I think people generally identify as being “in love”. Leaving her after 17 days was excruciatingly painful for both of us and the psychic connection exists to this day and probably will never die. She still calls me from time to time — generally after I have been thinking about her more intently than usual.

Just last year, I had a similar experience with a girl I met when I was in Laos. I made love with her for a few hours, pausing to rest a number of times, of course. This was very intense multi-orgasmic sex with a complete stranger. She was loving every minute of it, just as I was. Finally, I ejaculated.

I was on a vacation trip with some friends and we proceeded on the next day, as planned, but not before a heart-wrenching departure from this girl. After a couple of days, I left my friends and went back to see the girl. Again we had intense multi-orgasmic sex for hours. We agreed that she would go back home with me. It didn’t work out because she had prior commitments — caring for her little sister who was afraid of me and did not want to go.

So, anyways, playing with one night stands is literally like playing with fire. I suggest that you read the answer (in the Chia/Winn book) to the question a few times carefully. If after that, you still want to experiment with one night stands or “casual sex”, just be careful. Be very selective and definitely don’t persist beyond the one night stand with a partner who, how shall we say — has a lot of issues.

My History with the Tao