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Thanks everyone for your support, and help, also to snowlion and matblack for your added feedback. Its only been several days, but the past days have been without masturbation and pornography! I’m feeling very confident, and I feel that my system is slowly healing. Everyones support here has really been a tremendous help! I will keep you guys posted, and if anyone has any other experiences, or knowledge to share please do, as this will not only help me, but others in similar situations!
Great love, and healing to all
Pietro, thanks for your honest reply. I totally agree with what you are saying. It has already begun happening to me, going off sex, rising higher then falling harder and harder each time.. its like the problem still exist, but with a different mask each time.
Of course I would like to have sex, sex is great. But first I just want to get fully healed, back to balance and then have sex, diet and everything else balanced. The problem is, how the heck i’m I suppose to balance sex if I’m a single guy? Next, from my past experience it is a huge hassle getting into relationships; all the drama, the work, the time, most of the time its a mess. I’m told that I have to love, and understand myself before I get into a relationship, so should I learn to love myself and then get into a relationship.. I hope I don’t have to be 90 by the time I learn to love myself! It might be to late to start thinking about a female partner, sex, and procreation by this time!
Pietro can you share more of your honest experience, suggestions, and experience. I totally agree with you on the balance thing, and that the way of the Tao is not about right and wrong, and polarities. I have a feeling that good and bad is like two sides of the same coin, so there really is no good or bad.
There is just so many opinons, so many rights and wrongs, misconceptions, misknowledge, just how the hell does one sort through all this crap, find what is truth, and what works… its like we are living in a huge game of illusion and lies, and to discover the truth is to finally be free!
Your predication based on the actions i’m deciding to take sounds probable, so what do you advise?! or at least how do I learn to advise and trust myself to seek and use truth?
One: reduce drama. The part of you which likes the big worry and upset, likes the frenzy of porn and masturbation and the feeling of guilt, that part will be more fed if you make a big issue of it.
Two: feel, with no intent or direction, the energy in your legs and lower body, below the navel. It is thicker, more grainy, than the energy in your upper body. This is the energy of generation, of the earth, but it has no sex, no desire, no selfishness in it until mind puts it there.
If you can feel this energy, as it is, then when you experience sexual energy running wild, you may be able to feel this energy within it, and thereby calm down.
It can help a lot to stand, release your whole pelvic floor downwards and your eyes and jaw. This will make the desire part of it just fade out.
Be patient with your meditation and your wandering mind. Even noticing your mind wandering is progress. It can seem to get worse to start with, because you get better at noticing. Just don’t give up.
Don’t keep testing yourself to see if you’ve got better. Don’t keep exposing yourself to temptation. That’s a trick of the mind. You won’t defeat your mind. Just keep developing an appetite for calm, birdsong, parks, talking to old ladies etc etc.
Good luck. Don’t forget to breathe.
Thanks Poo Head,
I almost forgot to mention that importance of breathing in curing masturbation addiction.
Jonathon,
Look at a diagram of the body’s lower diaphragms – the pelvic diaphragm and urogenital diaphragm. This is the key to curing ANY and I mean ANY problems related to down there. Even scientists are saying that incorporating the urogenital diaphragm with deep abdominal breathing can cure AIDS!
When you inhale, lower both diahpragms down and when you exhale, relax them back to normal. As you inhale, feel the lower abdomen naturally expand below the navel and above the pubic bone, don’t force it, and naturally come back down to normal on the exhale. This will at once stimulate the parasympathetic nerves and relieve you of masturbation addiction. It will bring in blood flow and clean up any stagnant blood or jing in the area too.
Also, look at the eight holes in the sacrum on a diagram somewhere. On your inhale with the diaphragms, feel the sacrum acting as a suction and breathing in air through these holes and pulsing your sacrum. This is very important. Exhale out slowly feeling the pulsing feeling in your sacrum.
Staring from now on, make a commitment to yourself. Say that you will practice this breathing non-stop, wherever you go, whatever you are down, except while sleeping of course. It will become a natural habit and you will make this breathing natural to you. It will cure you of your addiction right away. The best thing you can possibly do. It will calm your mind. Just go slowly with the breath, it helps if you count the length of the inhale and exhale. Make them smooth and even.
Fajin
The cool thing about Taoism (and also what makes it so difficult) is that it really takes on the integration of all layers of being: from the physical (making all tissues blockage-free and well nourished), to energetics (activating acupoints, opening and filling channels & vessels), to stabalizing concentration and realizing Nature of Mind. All of it works together, and Taoism doesn’t ignore any of it.
In working with a situation of male sexual addiction, you’ll really have to address all three of those areas. And different Taoist (or related) ideas will have to do with working one or more of those areas. You’ll probably hear lots of good ideas from different people, and you might look at it in the above (sort of obvious) framework.
Obviously there’s also behavioral, lifestyle, changes to make but a big part of what makes those more difficult to make is that the tissues and energetics in your lower abdomen are bound up with tension, your hormonal energy doesn’t have the room to flow and stabalize with the rest of your body, and – in such lower cramped quarters – your sexual energy too quickly builds enough pressure to leverage into compulsive behavior.
Since the works are pretty jammed up in the first place, the sexual activity generally results in more tension where there’s already too much, and further depletion where there’s already too little. Things gradually get worse. Sexual addiction is known as a progressively worsening syndrome.
Ok, so (imo), what are some of the keys to get out of this mess?
(My 2 cents, in addition to what everyone else has already said.)For opening up flow for the sexual area, 3 key areas:
1. The area between the belly-button and pubic bone, “sperm palace”.
Best way that I know to open that up: bridge over a yoga ball and breathe into the lower abdomen.2. The sacrum. The “Exploring the Exhale” technique linked from the page there should help.
3. The kidneys themselves. (See the video reference at the bottom of the linked page.)
Those three things should help a lot.
Other ideas:
– Be sure to warm up all of your joints.
– Take cod liver oil. It really helps break up stagnation.
– There’s various ideas at my site, AlchemicalTaoism.com, that you might peruse when you get time.Trunk
Does cod liver oil break up jing stagnation? Or do you mean qi circulation? So, how does it affect jing.
Thanks,
FajinHi Jonathan
I joined the conversation a little late, but I’ve got some great news for you!..
But before that I’d like to say what great advice you got from everyone… there are some gems there, and people obviously care! why? because most people can relate – everyone has had a bad habit at some time or other and many people have gotten into that downwards spiral where you constantly repeat the habit – feel bad about it and repeat the habit again to make yourself feel better (very temporarily!)
You should know that you’re a very lucky man… although this seems like a huge problem now; I can already tell that it’s going to be the very thing that’s going to change your life for the better. Dude – you’re young, you still have a penis (ever heard of that Dutch guy who had his dick chopped off and eaten by some weirdo?) and you have stumbled onto an opportunity to bring real, lasting balance to your life!
Firstly most of the advice that you’ve been given still applies… One thing that I have experience with that others here may not, is the mental side of a habit… you can change a habit by force of will, but you can also change it very easily and quickly once you know how your thoughts control your behaviours.
There are two incredibly powerful tools to help you with this (along with the chi kung/exercises/diet that have been suggested):
One is called NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) – It’s a huge field of study, and I wont go into it too much, but basically NLP is the study of thoughts and how they affect behaviour… Using NLP people have created mental exercises to make long-lasting change very quick and effective. Below I’ve added a link to a free e-book on how you can use an NLP mental-exercise technique to rid yourself of porn addiction. (You can also use the very same technique to rid yourself of many other bad habits!)
As matblack (I think) has already mentioned, the other technique to use is the very simple but hugely popular technique called EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) the basic idea is to tap on acupuncture points while thinking of the negative thoughts – this has a very immediate effect. Go onto http://www.emofree.com and download the free manual which will tell you exactly how to do the technique. After you’ve tried it out a little give me a shout here, and I’ll help you fine-tune the technique to help with your specific problem. This is really powerful – it’s quick and easy and can have really surprisingly transformational results… I still use it on myself a few times a day on many different issues.
So using these two techniques (along with the great stuff people have advised) will enable you to make a profound change very quickly. NLP will act on your thoughts and give your subconscious the message that you dont need this habit any longer. EFT will help you get the habit out of your energetic system, and can be used if you suddenly get an urge to masturbate to quickly stop the urge in its tracks. And the Chi Kung will have a profound effect on balancing your whole body/mind/soul, so that you can become more fully connected to the deeper *you* and the universe.
So the great news is that your terrible addiction has brought you to a great cross-roads in your life – you now have the chance and the guidance to really make your life shine! You’ve stumbled on some fantastic resources and some great people and the future for you is looking very bright and feeling fantastic from where I’m sitting. What you have to realise is that even bad habits come from good intentions and powerful energies – all you need to do is unlock the goodness and you’ll know immediately that all that energy will be freed to take you exactly where you want to go, so smile and take a moment to smile! and appreciate yourself for bringing you here, now!
just noticed the link for the e-book doesn’t work… below is another link to the right page. Just click on ‘download’.
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