Sexual frustration: PRACTICAL solutions?

Thanks SD,

I wasn’t aware of this “big draw” as you describe, and it looks
like this is definitely one technique for dealing with the
sexually aroused feeling. It sort of looks like at the very
least it could be a technique of temporarily derailing the
feeling for a short time. It may end up coming back stronger
later, but later might be a better time when these feelings
could be dealt with and perhaps provide a better experience
later when you do explore them.

I’m not entirely unschooled in my background with the system–having
taken the MC class on Tao Yin, QF1-4 and Iron Shirt (with a taste of
Fusion 1) at the summer retreats.

Previously, I had learned most of QF1-2 on my own at home
and the Deep Healing Qigong. Also, this fall I took Primordial
and retook QF1-2. I’ll be retaking QF3-4 in December.

However, I’m not someone that will rush into practices too soon.
I value Michael’s opinion on waiting until going through Fusion
before the sexual stuff. Being a mathematician, I’m all about
doing things in a systematic sequence, and not jumping the gun
until the basics are learned. If anything, I’m probably an
opposite person where I’m more likely to spend more on time
on the basics, practicing again and again–repeating courses
even if they seem somewhat unnecessary before slowly moving
on to the next level. If anything, most people will probably
move to higher level practices sooner than me just because
I’m so careful about trying to learn things thoroughly first.
I’m more a depth person than a speed person. In other words,
it may be a while before I move beyond the basic practices.

My main interest in these questions has to do with getting
some idea of what’s ahead on the horizon–sort of like getting
a bigger picture so that when I do take subsequent courses
I know what to look for, i.e. “OK, this is what I was
asking about earlier. I’m going to take special note
of what is being taught here.” In other words, knowing
that there ARE techniques and maybe knowing them by name,
even if I don’t know what they are–allows me to personally
better focus on the now and not be so distracted by
things that might be possible.

Interesting about your dream with MW.
Hopefully he’s not too disturbed that you’re dreaming about
him masturbating! 🙂

Thanks for writing,
Steven

Hi Loes,

That’s a pretty accurate description about cravings,
and was fairly dead-on in my opinion. Seeking attention
as whining kids is exactly right.

Going off-topic for a moment on to the topic of addictions,
I don’t think that necessarily they are such a bad thing!
What I mean is that sometimes I think that people need to
develop addictions to certain things in order to explore
some issue much more thoroughly and much more potently than
can be explored otherwise. Although a particular addiction
may not be “healthy”, sometimes I think that as long as the
addiction is there, it is there as a vital tool for learning.

The one thing I’ve learned about addictions is that as long as
you haven’t fully explored whatever it is that you are trying
deep down to learn about yourself, you will never really be
free of it. If you are addicted to something, but you
try and force yourself to stop via willpower, then the
addiction actually becomes stronger. It won’t let go.
Either you are unsuccessful in your attempt to eradicate
the addiction, or even if you are “successful”, you will
find yourself constantly wanting to go back to it until
eventually you do.

In this latter case, if a person has given up some addiction
via force, typically they will constantly either think
about going back or are constantly worried about going back.
When a person is in this state, in some ways their life
becomes *as* controlled by *not* being addicted as it was
when they were!!

The operating reason here being that you haven’t finished
learning the lessons that the addiction is giving you.
You will probably go back, and in some ways . . . the sooner
the better.

Even if it is a physically unhealthy addiction, on some deep
level it is providing a benefit. It is necessary for whatever
reason to achieve “completion” with some issue in the
most potent way possible.

However, once you have reached “completion” on a deep level,
and you are not receiving these deep benefits any longer,
then the addiction seems to just fall away on its own–with
very little actual effort. In this case, even if there is a
physical withdrawal, it doesn’t even seem to bother you.
You simply don’t have any desire to return to it.
It sort of becomes like the magnet that used to be there
has now become “demagnetized” and there is no longer any
attraction to it whatsoever.

Personally, I used to be highly addicted to caffeine.
I used to drink 6 cans of Coke a day minimally. I did this
for years. Other people used to tell me that I needed
to stop. I remember teaching a class and going into the
class with 2 cans of Coke and then drinking one in its entirety
during the 10 minutes before class began, and then drinking
another during the class. I had students write on their
evaluations: “Dude, settle down on the Coke”. I couldn’t
stop. I had horrible withdrawals if I even went a short time
without it. I had some pretty negative health consequences:
acid reflux, dizzy spells, panic attacks, mood swings, etc.
No attempt to stop worked. If I did stop for a short time,
I couldn’t stop thinking about how I wanted to go back until
I did. Then one day on some deep level, I realized it
wasn’t doing anything for me anymore. The magnet “demagnetized” and
I quit. I went through horrible physical withdrawals. It was
a month at least before it started to be less intense.
The weird thing though was, I had no “desire” to go back, no
“psychological urge”. The addiction had become unnecessary
and pointless and it just fell away. I haven’t had caffeine
for 6 years and it still has no appeal whatsoever.

Similarly, I used to be somewhat addicted to looking at porn.
I used to spend a couple hours daily looking at it. I tried
many times to stop, and was unsuccessful. Then one day, I
reached completion. The magnet “demagnetized” and I lost all
interest in it. In this case, the “chocolate cake” analogy I
gave and the fact that it wasn’t really accomplishing what
I was wanting deep down, demagnetized it. Now I don’t look at
porn at all. I have no interest in it. Moreover, in the off
chance I happen to be exposed to erotic imagery or porn
(or like when I went to the website Michael mentioned), it had
no interest for me. It just felt completely pointless; no
desire was reawakened because I felt complete with this.

The funny thing is, is that when I look at any addiction that
I had in the past that I no longer have, they all fit this
pattern. I dropped them, not because I tried to force them
away. I dropped them, because they fell away on their own.

Of course, this point of view would probably not be too
popular with people dealing with severe drug addicts, because
they may die before they reach the completion, but it
feels right to me.

In some ways I feel that if someone is struggling with an
addiction, they need to embrace it rather than try to
flee from it. Then, while embracing it, look deep within
to try to locate what it is that your inner being REALLY wants.
Then when you truly identify what your inner being REALLY wants,
if you give that to yourself instead, then the magnet
demagnetizes and the addiction drops.

This was really the source of my comments earlier to SD
as he struggles with his porn addiction.

At any rate, I’ve blathered on enough about this, but
I felt some calling to write for some reason . . .

Steven

Hi SD,

Yeah, I understand that the “order” is sort of made up by those
that are teaching it, but the reasons presented by Michael
make sense/resonate with me, so that was the source of
my comment. I agree that the whole system is holistic and
all parts are important–ultimately all coming together.

At least for me, I’m not in any particular rush.
Mainly the thrust of this thread was one of intense curiosity
and to open further discussion.

I’m glad, however, that you’ve responded back with a number
of different practices. This is exactly the sort of
thing I was hoping would be mentioned. Sometimes I think
that people don’t mention these things a lot because they
don’t want people to start practicing things they’re not
ready for–which I can understand–however, just being
aware of them for me has been a benefit.

At the very least, it has changed my opinion slightly on
the Healing Love course. I sort of figured that maybe
that it wouldn’t really be a good course at all for me to
take in the future, because I have no partner and I’m not
too interested in developing “whole-body orgasms” or
“multiple orgasms” or whatnot on my own, i.e. what’s
the point of developing all sort of sexual practices, if
you have no one to practice with–and on my own, heightening
sexual pleasure in masturbation isn’t really a priority for me.

However, from this discussion, it appears that while those
things are definitely part of the course, that there are
also other things that would be good to know even for
someone alone like me.

This was definitely part of the interest in this thread, since
my next project is to learn Fusion, and so looking to the
future I was sort of trying to picture how the sexual
practices could really be of any use to me–since I’m not
really having sex like I get the impression that most
other people are.

Since you’ve been celibate for awhile, you’ve provided
a unique perspective here that I appreciate.

Also, as to the dream you had, don’t worry about it!
My response was a lighthearted comment. I don’t think
that Michael would necessarily mind. It’s not as if
anyone really has control over what they dream, and it
doesn’t really matter anyway. Part of this purpose
of this forum I think is to be able to be open and honest
with your different experiences, because by doing so
they provide a vehicle to accelerate progress on the
practice level–both personally, and for others that
read about experiences others post.

I know wendy has posted some pretty personal things, so
have I, so have others . . . so don’t worry about it.
All these things are helpful both on a personal level
and to others that are on their own path.

We are all in it together, my friend.

Peace,
Steven