April 9, 2005 at 12:04 pm #4198
Dear Max and Michael, you finally found a way of communicating that feels nice to me. I truelly hope that your future conversations can sustain this nurturing quality.
Since part of the discussion is about silent meditation I do have an experience with no sufficient answers, which still gives me cold hands and elevated heart beats. During a meditation with Li Feng I entered into pure silence. During this total blank my body opened up and god knows what entered with full speed. I was without any doubt an open channel to things that had a great time in my body (bodies). And it took a very long time (years) before I understood, digested and got it out of my body again. My fear to go into silence is still major.
So it is my guess I attracted something that was very willing to offer me several things I was lacking. I learned I had two choices: to fight my way back and start my own life or to go into this state of channeling and feeling mighty interesting because I had things going on that not many people had. So my ego was pretty much flattered yet I had to pay a price.
After a long struggle I choose to accept my humble self and to live a ‘normal’ life. Yet it is like a drug, temptation is just around the corner. Going into ‘silence’ is my deepest fear to open up the pathways again.
Moving is my way out, I teach 13 hours a week of relax yoga these days and I never felt more stable, and in peace. When I lay myself down after the exercises pure joy and happiness arises from deep within. No thoughts just orgasmic joy.
I don’t feel sure and I don’t feel ready yet to go into silent meditation. Some say it is the very beginning. Yes, for me it was the beginning of a terrible path. One that offered me great wisdom afterwards, so it is not a ‘bad’ path just a path.
Every time I sit to meditate I feel the fear as well. I once told somebody it feels like diving into deep space without waring a pressure suit. No one would dare to leave a space shuttle without one but it feels to me like I am doing it anyway. No protection, pretty stupid!
I offer this story to express my feelings about these ridicilous postings of some of you. As Max and others are choosing one, Michael something else. Fine.
My deepest sorrow is to watch a battle about something that is in fact neither good or bad.
We all have things to work through. For me silent meditation was/is hell and heaven at the same time. Still something I haven’t finished yet as well something that offered me great lessons. And still something I feel I don’t grasp one little tiny bit.
It scares me and it fills me with admiration because of the magnitude.
It leaves me with a very humble heart and little words and I would not even think about attacking others about such a subject. It is too vast to grasp and too big to swallow. At least for me… at least for now…
Love to all
WendyApril 9, 2005 at 1:13 pm #4199
Wendy, thanks for sharing such a deep experience, one that cuts down to your basic choices in living.
The experience you described sounded like an invasion of sorts, or at least that is how you responded to it. As if it were not any part of yourself emerging but another presence entering?
I can see how the yoga practice has built up your sense of inner joy with the body and let you be here, in yourselves from deep within. That feels so healing.
What I also hear is that ‘fear’ is really the issue you are wrestling with, as you don’t really know what it is you are scared of exactly. Fear is also the source of your temptation to reenter the experience and also the source of your running as far away as possible from it.
I am wondering how you could communicate with ‘fear’, bring her power back into you, and perhaps reframe your relationship with silence.
In some ways is it much different from an externally abusive situation you may have encountered? How have you dealt with these in your life?
Just some thoughts, barryApril 9, 2005 at 1:32 pm #4201
Thanks for sharing. I am glad the space feels safe enough for you to share.
I’ve been in private communication with both Max and Plato, and I think mutual respect will be fllowing into the playing field of aspiring immortals and buddhas.
To be clear, I am not and never have “attacked” silent meditation, if that was your inference.
But what may be relevant to your posting and this discussion is the alchemical use of a “vessel” to concentrate the essences of all that is experienced. This is called a pearl, or the elixir, or eventually the immortal embryo and immortal child. These are not visiualizations. They are actualizations that occur with sufficinet ability to concentrate the life force.
One purpose of having a spiritual vessel (as opposed to abiding in the vast emptiness of inner space) is to have grounding as one journeys into deeper dimensions. The vessel must be able to hold a sufficiently high vibratory frequency to preserve the inner will in higher/inner dimensions. Just as you would not go on a mountain hike without the right shoes, or on a bike ride without a bike, etc.
You need a strong center to withstand higher “pressures” of other dimensions. You appear to have an openness to seeing those dimensions, but lack the vessel to feel safe to go travelling there. So you need to go slow and stay grounded. Starting with the physical body is right path. You can do the same with Energy Body. Go slow and make that safe.
And yes, the vessel – reflecting the spiritual qualities with its sphericity – is open (i.e. relatively empty) inside, will eventually transmute spontaneously, and is not become a lifelessly fixed ofject of attachment. But the safest way to cultivate this vessel/pearl is to keep it inside the protective space of your body, and cultivate it within.
I hope to hear more from you.
love, chi, blessings,
michaelApril 9, 2005 at 5:48 pm #4203
Thank you Barry and Michael,
The experiences (several on different occasions with different entities/realms) have cut very deep.
I hoped to by-pass all the necessary steps on the spiritual path. Taking classes and workshops, trying to fly instead of walking first.
I was pretty good in doing that till I hit the ceiling and it has hit me very hard.
‘Thanks’ to the experiences which nearly cost my health and my sanity I had no other choice than to bow my head and start back at level one, my body.
Yes Michael I have no other choice than to go very slowly, reading the manual of the pressure suit before even thinking of trying to fly the space shuttle.
My main problem is that there are too many manuals, too many words, too many people who seem to know. So I withdraw, don’t read books nor take classes any longer. My target now is to understand, feel and experience the body and its virtues. For a yin female as myself it is the only wise step to take.
Without the necessary yang to support, by-passing the body and connecting with ’emptiness’ is just a perfect cocktail to get myself nuts.
I accepted that my path is a very slow path, a female path, one that needs time and body/earth to unfold. Stillness is already part of the female path, it just needs body/earth to feel comfortable to unfold by itself.
The problem is that our socities are head/energy minded and are driving women to places/realms they don’t feel comfortable/connected with.
Give us back our bodies vs. fashion dolls and face lifts 🙂
WendyApril 10, 2005 at 9:24 pm #4205
I totally agree.
Movement such as qigong is considered the female path because it originates from the body and generates chi from that grounded place.
I believe it it is the gentlest way to reclaim the body.
My earlier point about cultivating the temporary vessel for the energy body is that the local/personal self needs a transitional vehicle from which to relate to the vast infinity of ALL. Otherwise the danger of dissolving into it before one’s own spiritual center of gravity has formed.
I have been through that experience. My body called me back, even though it was an unhappy body filled with toxins. it was home. I realized I had to clean it up and use it as my vessel.
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.