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Just like food if it was me I would accept and smile to the cigarrette you want to accept what goes into your body ask the elements to harmonize with you. I do not know if this has been brought up or not. sorry if a repeat.
… it just means drugs, you’re right it’s only ever appeared before me in a shamanic context. A doctor would say hallucinogen, psychedelic. But definitely refers to the ‘experience-type’ drugs, not the downer and upper variety. I’m sure Intelligence will correct me if I’m wrong. 🙂 j
Steven,
The only way I know to heal any situation I am in to properly surrender to it so it can complete its path through your life. This is a learning process. Healing takes time. I learn as I go along.
It is not a matter of doing the right things but of opening doors which have been kept closed. Only proper relationship among all the parts of ourselves which are involved can bring the healing we need and we rarely if ever understand how that can be ahead of time. This situation is likely to encompass much more than just your own lifetime; it is probably ancestrally related- in your bloodline as an unresolved issue.
Walk through. Hold your body with your hands without intention to make anything happen but to form relationship with yourself.
You are holding onto something which you are unable/unwilling to release (colon = letting go).
No one is stronger than their issues. No one can control them. Find out what your body is telling you, but not intellectually. Open to how your body wants to release this. What would it sound like if you let it out? Use the sounding process to give a pathway to what is inside. What does it want? Keep listening for deeper levels of response. Hold the space open. Pain tells you something.
Have you been crying???
Blessings, A
The word “entheogen” is similar to the word “enthusiasm.”
“En” = “in”
“Theo” = “God”Therefore, putting God into it, or putting you into God. Thus, an entheogen is a substance (“-gen”) which does that for you.
Thank you Alexander.
Your analysis seems spooky accurate to me, and I consider
your advice to be very valuable.It’s interesting that you ask me if I’ve been crying,
because I haven’t cried for so long, I think I’ve forgotten
how . . . I think maybe *once* in the last ten years
and that was almost five years ago now!Part of the issue I think is ancestral, and part of
it is due to some kind of extreme depression over
a particular issue which I haven’t found a solution for.
On the last bit, I think that once some dimension of
myself realized at the time that I couldn’t resolve the
issue, I buried inside so that I wouldn’t be
constantly depressed.I don’t know if this makes sense, but it’s like
my whole being was depressed over an unresolvable issue,
and at some point (15-20 years ago) the rational side
of me decided that “you are only as happy as you feel”,
and so I decided to “ignore” the issue, pretend it
doesn’t exist, and be happy. I’ve been happy ever since,
and other people in everyday life view me as a happy, upbeat
person.On the positive, most things that depress others
or bring others down usually don’t affect me, and as
a general rule have a very positive enthusiastic view on
life; perhaps because nothing else seems that bad in
comparison.The problem is, is that the ancestral part and the part
that I buried (which also may in part be ancestral), sits
locked away inside. It only makes itself known through
the intestinal pain when I was not smoking, or if I
try to listen deep within.I’ve been caught in a cycle . . .
The cycle has been:
1. Have issue and be so depressed I can’t function
2. Be happy, but bury issue and start smoking
3. Smoke,quit,smoke,quit,smoke,quit,smoke
4. Successfully quit, intestinal pain from intestinal damage from issue!
5. Smoke again, feel “OK”, but issue still presentIt’s very frustrating, because it feels like no matter
what I do related to the underlying issue I get nowhere fast.
It’s like pedaling faster and faster on a stationary bike.When I look deep within, as I’ve been doing more so of late,
it feels that my being wants some kind of solution to
the issue, but I don’t know of one (yet).It feels like it’s one of those Zen riddles that doesn’t
have a solution, and that part of my job in this life
is try to figure one out.Thanks for listening,
Steven… the problem can be that the ways you have found to be happy in the absence of such an important part of yourself don’t work with the part added. But if you can be true to all of yourself you will find the universe and other people come around in a hurry. Big changes are fun. j
there is no solution!
at least not in the way you *think* there is – solutions can only be thought up – that’s just the mind pretending it’s in control.
When we bury something deep and ignore it, it tends to take on a life of its own – and you ignoring it doesn’t mean it’s not there – it’s still colouring everything you do. It’s still subtly guiding you to make decissions and do things unconsciously…
You know children – they need attention, no matter whether the attention is positive (praising, cuddling) or negative (anger, shouting, punishment) – the child will exhibit *any* behaviour to be noticed. They will be naughty and make trouble because they know that they’ll get some attnetion from the parents (whether it’s rage and punishment) or if it’s easier to get their attention by being sweet and cute then they’ll do that… my point is, they dont care what flavour of attention they get as long as they get some.
Imagine that part of you that gives you cramps, makes you smoke and depresses you, to be a child that wants attention. Imagine what it must feel like to be that child/part – having been buried and forgotten about, whilst all it wants is some attention, and the only way to get it daily is through smoking or obvious pain or depression – all these things are a cry for attention – **and all you want to do is solve the problem!** – imagine, as that child, being seen as the problem and your parents thinking of ways to solve you and then trying to solve you this way and that way (even if the ways seem like good ideas to the parents – like qi gong and smiling and whatnot) – as the child you will still resist as hard as you can because rather than paying you attention, they are trying to get rid of you. Can you see how painful this is to the child? Once it gets your attention, all you want to do is get rid of it. it’s so sad – we all do it to ourselves.
So here is my suggestion again – stop trying to solve it, get rid of it, heal it, smile to it, ignore it, treat it – just do the most obvious (and possibly painfull) thing you can – pay it some attention! Just sit with it with no goals or ideas or preconceptions about what should happen. Invite that part into your awareness and notice it in your body – notice the sensations (tightness, squeezing – anything that is a sensation – not emotion) – just notice that it’s there and say “hi” – “I know you’re there”. Then just sit with it with your awareness fully on it. Do this for as long as it takes – thank it for being with you when you finish and promise that you’ll be back again – sit with it daily, for however long it takes… at some point you’ll be able to say “I love you, I’m sorry”… and I suspect tears will come… let us know when that happens and I’m sure we’ll have a few more suggestions of how you can take your blossoming relationship with that part further towards integration…
lots of love
HarrySteven, thank you for this. Your story helps me! I can relate to your experience of cramping, as I have been going through some of my own painful peristalsis following this summer’s lesser kan & li retreat at Heavenly Mtn. I’d been mulling over whether I want to post on it. Do other people experience this? It seems that they do. and seeing your story I decided I might launch into my own.
I was wondering if I have a kind of kan & li “morning sickness” because it all hit me so suddenly; I knew I hadn’t changed my diet, and hadn’t ingested any poisons that could create these effects; couldn’t be a flu bug in the usual sense. The newest biggest thing in my life i could think of was that I recently added a new level, kan & li, to my practice.
The process started over two weeks ago with a sharp pain in my neck, left side, something I have problems with from time to time, so it was familiar, but still painful and limiting to qigong practice, sleeping, and movement of any kind. Hot showers and alchemical steam both helped a bit, but nothing like a magic wand disappearing the whole knot of debility. I took the attitude of allowing the process, thinking that this is my own intelligence trying to resolve something, so I might as well not fight it and try to work with it, let it progress with my support and encouragement.
The progress it took was to migrate after a week to my lower abdomen, I almost literally watched it slide down from one place and form to another: burning pain and cramping in the intestines. copious persistent belching. I thought maybe I was developing food allergies but I am quite sure that this is all part of processing the nrg Ive been stirring up with my practice, that I must be getting underneath some deeper patterns (some of my kan/li practice was focusing on the metal element, lungs and large intestine, which I have reason to believe is a particular realm of imbalance for me).
At the same time my meditations are getting deeper, growing into having more substance than I’ve ever felt, and that’s a great feeling, although strange to have at the same time as the pain and discomfort. I’ve been supporting the process, simply smiling to the pain and accepting, allowing whatever it needs to do, not trying to change or fight it with any pushing (even though there’s a reactive part of me wants to rip it out with force). These experiences with deepening practice reassure me that something is right about what’s happening, and I am grateful to go through this change. I seem to go through waves of heavier and lighter movement that have allowed me to continue my working week and then get into more intensive (and painful) shifts on the weekends. Not that I directed this to happen, but it seems the life force takes this direction.
I am not sure what the deeper story is here. If I have some memory becoming unlocked I don’t see it as yet. I don’t want to demand that this kind of explicit narrative be revealed, but I do want to see more clearly what is happening to me.
All right, that’s my piece for now, my first real post on this forum. Hello to everyone!
-Bb
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