Fusion 1 Review

I am on my way back from the Fusion 1 workshop in Asheville
that Michael gave. I am at a hotel, and should begin the
remainder of my long drive back home tomorrow.

How can I describe the workshop?

Wow!

Yeah, that about sums it up. So many powerful experiences there
that I really don’t even know where to begin.

Everyone at the workshop–including Michael–gave some really
powerful and intensely personal sharings, and the chi flow
was really profound.

I won’t speak on the sharing of others–suffice to say that
they also affected me quite deeply ASIDE from all of the
direct personal activities.

Regarding personally, on Saturday we went through a quick
run through of the material from QF1 and QF2 at the beginning.
The microcosmic orbit really affected me strongly right from
the beginning. If you read my retreat review, you’ll know
I had had a cold–so at the Fusion 1 workshop it was in its
final death throws and was mostly gone. Now as far as the
microcosmic orbit goes, it has felt much more powerful
over the past few weeks anyway, but on Saturday, when
we did it at the beginning of the Fusion workshop, I could
barely handle how powerfully good it felt. When my orbit
was cycling past the front of my face and down the top of
my chest (probably due to getting over a cold), the sensation
felt so absolutely good, that it felt down right sexually
pleasurable. I had to hold back grunting and sighing from
the intense waves of pleasure felt during the process.

Then we moved on to some intro Fusion practices, and first
explored our dominant emotions–the ones that drive us
through life. I discovered (somewhat to my surprise, but
at the same time it was so scary accurate) that my
predominant dysfunctional emotion is impatience. On some
core level, everything always feels too slow to me. I
discovered that the internal cause of this emotion is a little
voice inside saying impatiently “come on, come on!!! let’s
go! what’s taking so long!”. I tracked this to its source
and discovered that it is ultimately caused by a deep
internal fear of death that I have, and that on some deep level
I feel that I have way too many things on my list of things
that I want to do in my lifetime, and that my life will
not be long enough for me to be able to do them all–and so
I become impatient, because I don’t want things to slow
down my process of checking things off of my “I need to do
before I die” list.

We did a creation cycle Fusion, and I was able to *temporarily*
tone down some of this in the time period–although it is
such a large issue, I suspect I will need to come back to this
one again–and again.

We finished with a yin version of Fusion, at which point
*on Saturday* I got no results. As soon as we began the
practice, my insides decided they didn’t want to play.
I tried to get something to work, but the
only thing I got as a result of my efforts was tiredness.
I left the meditation drained.

Michael talked about resistance in the practice, and through
subsequent discussion, I tried the practice again on Sunday
and got really powerful results. This time I was flooded
with the feelings of extreme loneliness and fear–overwhelmingly
so. My emotional body definitely felt safe to play in that
playground on Sunday that’s for sure.

Later, we discussed another version of Fusion–a yang practice.
That practice had a very powerful effect. First, I lost
all of my energy as I dumped my negative emotions into the
spinning baguas. I felt completely wiped. It was then that
I realized that I actually indirectly *fuel* my negative emotions
intentionally–because they give me energy–perhaps due to this
fear of death thing again whereby feeling these intense emotions
it makes me feel more *alive*, and so therefore it acts as sort of
a protector making me feel further from death–or something. At any
rate, I was completely wiped. Then, when the energy was recycled, I
feel rejuvenated and cleaned. I sat in an almost dazed, spaced-out
state of pure joy. To me, it felt like I had an “emotional colonic”.

These were just some of the profound experiences I had at that workshop;
a good number of them also occurred in me due to some pretty profound
personal sharings by the other members in attendance and Michael.
I was really sort of left speechless by the whole thing.

Simply wonderful. Yes. Simply wonderful.

Smiles,
Steven