health issue superfisial hotness?

Hi SD,

Let me point out a few things I noticed when reading this.
You said:

>>>In association with a burned out condition. [*some clipped*]
>>>I think it would be good to be in the process
>>>without owerworking so much. But I go into the work
>>>beacase it is a tradition I have done for several
>>>years and a work that is highly positive and not
>>>long lasting. And the money is not unimportant for
>>>my possibilite to finnish my master thesis work either.

You are not going to like what I’m going to say, but
given what I know about you, I think it’s true.

You don’t *really* want to get well.

Well, I should qualify that. You *DO* what to get better,
but it’s less important to you than other things.

The reality is, you are really not going to find
something that is going to cure you. You can try all
kinds of different things, but none of them are going
to *really* going to get rid of the problem. The best
you really can hope for by doing these things is to
get some short-term symptom relief.

The REAL problem, the REAL cause, is that you are
a workaholic. You work way too much, but you LOVE to
do so. It’s part of who you are. You don’t really
want to give that up, even though it’s not a healthy
pattern. Yes, you want to get rid of your symptoms,
but you don’t really want to eliminate the cause.
In fact, you yourself admit that when you start
feeling better–either through some of these treatments,
or through doing qigong/Iron Shirt/etc., then you
use your newfound health and energy to work even harder,
and then have a relapse and feel terrible for several days.

Yes, you want to be healthy and symptom-free, but you want
MORE to be able to work a lot. Really, you’d like both, but
it’s the working that’s contributing to the illness. In other
words, you are not willing to do what it takes to eliminate
the illness. There is something more important to you, namely
being able to work a lot. It’s something that gives you a
lot of joy and happiness. You are not interested in giving
that intensity up, just so you can get rid of the illness–you’d
rather fish around for things less effective hoping something
else will do the job of curing you.

I know you might say that your current workload is “temporary”,
but I don’t believe that. First, it was “I need to
do this to finish my master’s degree”; then it’s “I need to
continue to get a licentiate, or even a PhD, because doing
this work is important to me.” Even after that, there will
always be *some* reason why you need to keep working. The
bottom line is, whether you want to admit it or not, you
LOVE working really hard on your area of study. It’s your
biggest passion in life. As much as you’d like to get
rid of your illness, you love this a whole lot more. I’m
not casting any judgment on you for this; who’s to say what
a person should or shouldn’t do–especially if it makes the
person happy. But this is something you should still realize.

You really have to decide–or become aware of–the level
of importance things are to you. Really you can either
decide to make a RADICAL lifestyle change to eliminate
your illness, or you can continue your current lifestyle
which ultimately I think is what is making you happy and
then accept that you are probably not going to really ever
get over your illness, other than some short-term symptom
relief.

I’ve come to the realization recently that everyone that
has a chronic illness really has the power to eliminate
it (myself included, e.g. intestinal condition). Moreover,
we all know–deep down–what we really need to do to eliminate
the problem. We don’t do it however, because ultimately
we are not willing to do what is necessary to fix it–often
making a radical adjustment as to how we interact in the world,
physically and emotionally.

I myself don’t have the courage or interest to do what I
need to do to fix my intestinal problem. Other things I hate
to admit are more important to me. Yes, I’d like it gone,
but I’m not really willing to do what is necessary to eliminate
it. I don’t think you do, for your condition either.

All of these chronic physical conditions are the body’s way
of trying to get you to solve a problem. As long as you don’t
address the underlying problem, it will never go away.

And for us, I’m afraid to say, we’d rather do other things more
important to us than to deal with the underlying problem.
Any excuse for not dealing with the underlying problem is
really just an excuse. An excuse plain and simple–to try
to dodge the fact that we really want to do something more,
but can’t admit it.

All of the above, just my opinion, of course.
But, ignoring your instant reaction to disagree, I think
you know what I’m talking about 🙂

And I’m smiling a big smile to your path, as I say this also 🙂

My best wishes to you,
Steven

Hi SD,

Nice to talk with you again . . .
Sorry if I came on a little strong 🙂

Sometimes, when people are struggling they just
tell their problems because they are looking for
support. In that case, providing support without
adding a personal commentary can be good in itself.
If that’s the case, I apologize–as it’s my sincere
wish that everyone do well, both physically and
emotionally.

You’re a person that does everything intensely;
it’s one of the things I admire about you–your
strong will and motivation.

Just wanted to point out that–in fact–it may
very well be the *intensity* itself that’s the
problem. You even say “you work a lot to get
healthy”–so even there you are “doing something
with intensity”, if you get my meaning. Anyhow,
I just wanted to point it out, and shake you up
a bit in the process to make sure you noticed, LOL 🙂

Best to your path,
Steven

Hi SD,

>>>Things have happened and I am starting to work!!!!
>>>harder with my health problems.
>>>I Know about that paradox!
>>>It is even recognised in the book that I follow.
>>>What I am trying to achive is to follow the
>>>whole program in the book from now on.
>>>To change my sexual behaviour. To avoid cofe
>>>and alcohole. And much more. I’m shore I will
>>>present the whole program soon. This time I am
>>>looking for some professional help to be able to
>>>follow the program. I have also done some changes
>>>in my yoga program.

One thing I’ve found to be true is that even more
important than working “hard” to improve, or doing
a lot of qigong (which is great also), is to pay
attention to how you live your “everyday life”
when you are not doing qigong. By this I mean to
try to relax and live life from a state of subdued
happiness. Try not to take things too seriously;
as you do your day-to-day life, try to recognize
that things you create tension and anxiety around
are ultimately not that important, and just let it
go. Try to live from a state of measured trust–that
everything will be OK and you don’t need to worry
about doing something a “certain” way to make it
happen. Trust that it will happen, and the universe
will create the best path.

I’m not always successful in completely implementing
this advice myself–too many bad habits–but I have
found great changes and feel a lot better in my body
when I do manage to pull it off. It’s something that
takes practice. What seems to work well is to do
some qigong that puts you in a blissful happy safe
state, and then when the qigong ends, try to
continue to live your life and act from that same
state as long as possible. See if you can then
notice when certain tensions and desires-for-control
start to happen to take you away from that state,
and if you can notice it happening, then whatever
it is–just let it go, and realize that whatever
it is, is not important. You can then use the qigong
for training for this. I’ve found a lot of positive
changes happen from this. It’s something I’ve been
playing with; you might try it and see what you think;
something to play with, at any rate.

>>>Unfortunately the intense periods often follow
>>>by some kind of collapse. It might be true that
>>>the intense work is contraproductive in some sence.
>>>But I also have recognised that my changes to get
>>>well aren’t so good if I’m not fighting. Pehaps I am
>>>wrong and realise it in a few years from now, but
>>>untill then I realy want to go on figting it.

Try playing with the method I mentioned above; it might
help reduce some of the back-and-forth swinging . . .
and release some of the struggle.

>>>I will put restrictions on my teaching work from no on.
>>>I will just work a few weeks with it the next term and
>>>I will not work more than half time. Untill know I have
>>>been quite flexible on that part, a money issue and a
>>>will to follow my students during theire field works.
>>>It is quite hard to follow theire development when you
>>>not are with them all the time.

Sounds like a good idea.
As to the latter idea about “following their development”
and “feeling the need to be with all the time”, I understand
this feeling. You have to sort of let it go a little bit.
Recognize that you can’t do everything and also give some
trust that they will be able to find their own path and
that they’ll be OK. It might not be what you could consider
“optimal”, but what does “optimal” mean anyway? Who’s to
say that some fumbling on their own might not be better
for them in the long run anyway? Something to think about.

>>>To not get to frustrated I think I need to enjoy some
>>>nice girls on the way to recovery and perhaps also
>>>gain some yang qi or Jing during the way. Seems
>>>to me that I should be looking in the directions
>>>of yoga classes nearby or in the new age movement
>>>to find someone that chare some of my aspiration
>>>dedication and interest. There are also alot more
>>>of woman in those circles than men, at least in my
>>>home city, so the chanses seems to me to be rather
>>>big there. Which me good luck on that journey please. 🙂

No problem. Good luck.
Wishing you to connect with some nice women 🙂

Best,
Steven

On both this post and the previous one about
the girl, there a number of things I could say,
but I think here I’ll just remain silent and
provide a space for you to tell your story.
I’m probably talking too much anyway. 🙂

Only one small suggestion–don’t allow yourself
to be drawn into her drama. It’ll pull you off
your center. Do what you feel is right for you.

You are of course always welcome to share
anything you wish to share in the future about
your health, relationships, etc. I’ll hold a
space for sharings.

Best,
Steven