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I am not sure if your comment is meant in general or to me in specific.
I will go for the general one, as I do not consider myself a sissie – contrary.
My postings are outthere to shed a light on experiences that are warned for, for stories that are heard or read about, to make a point that it is REAL.
I had many deep experiences with meditations, some were awesome or even frightening but all were part of a certain knowledge or a certain framework, they were deep but there was a sense of some understanding.
Those three I mention, I had no framework at all, especially the last 2, and there was no understanding in my mental and emotional concepts. None.
Entering complete different dimensions, with complete different operating laws of ‘life’. There is nothing I can use as an earthly metaphor that might shed a light on that.
The body with all its operating systems is zapped into a time/space machine and finds itself in a dimension that makes NO SENSE. Or I should say that dimension entered my body, so I became that dimension that made NO SENSE. That what I called ME made no sense anymore.What you did not learn you can not understand, what you did not experience you can not know. I was an absolute novice, green as grass.
I remember with one I used movements of my arms as a language to express, my spine was contracted like a bow because of all the high energy running through it. I was talking with movements of my arms until Michael asked me to ‘translate’ it into human speach. I understood then that the movements of chi kung are a language, using the right movements you tap into a complete different world and you can communicate with it through it. After it I was even frightened to use chi kung movements, it took me time to do chi kung movements again.
AND I am still very very respectful/careful using it. My spontaneous movements are a communication to that Field.Anyways it would take pages full to explain details of it.
The thing is that I move through those dimensions now in and out, as stepping into my car. By giving it a framework, an understanding, I can move through it without being overwhelmed or shocked by it, it is integrated in my being.
I am still dealing with the memory of it, as said before it leaves scars but is it not from those scars we become fuller and richer people?Hi Wendy,
If you had to do it all over again, would you elect
to not have those experiences happen?Would you say your life is better or worse today
for having had the experiences you had?How are you dealing with the “fear” aspect that
was generated or amplified by having had those
experiences?What do you think would be different if something
similar happened to you now?Just some food for exploration . . .
Feel free to ignore this post . . .S
I see.
That did me think about my former relationship with a married woman:
Well I had a relationship, sort of, with a married woman last year. But she
did want to keep us as a secrete. I realised it was’t a situaiton I could feel happy in. I promised myself to not sleep with here untill either I was recognised as a lover without secrets, or she did divorce. Well, actually she did divorce, but still lived with her former husband. I was never recognised, and in the end she decided to give hem a new chanse and we don´t meet anymore. Anyway even though this story have made me quite unballanced the last year, it was an attempt to start to try again to build up relationships with woman again. And it was also a way for me to start to go away from another woman that I have been in love with for many years without her being in love with me. So at the end I was unhappy inlove with two persons, thats the reson for the inballance, and the reason for why I´ve not have been able to do the retention practises the last year.But as time goes by I feel more and more free, but not without pain, from both of these stories. Also with alot work on my heart. A work needed to be done continuosly. Best thing that could happen, I guess should be to meet a new girl, woman, that are more suitable. Actually I have one in mind, and perhaps more about that later…
And what about you Wendy, how did your former husband solve the question of raising up your children?
SD
hi SD,
I know several people like your story, giving up the comfort for some unknown future is too scary and also often when the initial love rush is over reality kicks in, with all its work to make the love rush into a day to day living situation,
then the old situation looks better because it is known.Your children question: we both want the children as much as possible and we don’t have any problem with dividing that. When I am with Chris they are with him, when I am in my house they are with me, at least the 2 youngest (15 and 18), the oldest stays with her father permanently because of the space she needs for her schoolwork ( she is doing graphic design and needs lots of workspace which I can not provide), so I see her now and then when she has time in her busy life.
My marriage with Chris and moving to Canada will be a huge transition for all of us, because that means I will give up my life with them as we know it now… hard deep work as a mother I can tell you that!I have a bit difficulties in relating to how it must be to go true what you are going true. All the considerations of all involved, that can´t be an easy thing.
Anyway my older sister did go true a divorce for some years ago, they had three children and the youngest was at about 14, when they did separate. There had been alot of turbulense. One of her children didn’t accept her choise to leave and still she has wery litle contact with him, if at all. Well I think I should not write so much about this, but I can tell you that even though alot of conflicts she is wery happy with her new life and she has also found a sole mate and have remarried. I think she lives a much more true life today and that she is a much more whole person today. Even though it might be hard for the children to adapt to new sircomstances, somwhere in all of this they will also enjoy the happiness in your life and grow by the help of the new experiences.
As a practioner and a person being quite close to your feelings, I believe as I have come to know you at this forum, is the practise of greate help for you going true all of this or do you think it might be even more difficult, with more feeings to resolve and more laiers?
SD
hi Steven, your questions are not strange at all, I will try to answer them:
1. If I had to do it all over again? I have no clue, because it DID happen, so I go from there, and this point in my life I never felt better, my life was never so full with passion for life, for love and with someone who is sharing it all, that it took 15 years to get there I am looking back at it with gratitude and awe, because I entered a new phase in my life, where these experiences unfold and are becoming alive in a constructive positive way.
Going through the dark night of the soul for 15 years to find love for life… I take it.. which answers question 2.3. The Fear: well…. the fear helped me to put boundaries where I had none.
You have to know that my soul card in Tarot is The Fool, the one who walks with his head in the clouds, not listening to the warnings, but walks ahead to new horizons wherever his feet take him, whistling and singing, but oblivious for the dangers… Fear had to come into my life to help me see the sharp rocks on the path, to learn how to go around them instead of walking into them and suffer to learn.
Fear was a good teacher to me, a teacher I became to understand.4. Would I react different now: I guess the Fool learned its lesson, it will be always my soul card, so I will keep on whistling and looking for new horizons, but my this life card is The Emperor, so I guess, being 44, I am more ready than ever to take on my This life mission 🙂
Nice sunny day here in Ontario, time to walk towards the sun :))
hi SD,
It is a difficult question to answer:
Is the practice helping; Yes
but life is more complex than that
I have a personality that is dual: I can be extremely flexible and easy going but I also can hold on to old structures and certain morals (my Capricorn ascendant).
For a capricorn family and children are very important, that is why I stayed in a marriage way too long, for the children, to keep a family for them.
So the idea of leaving my children behind is a big mountain to climb, I saw myself being a mother where they could stop by anytime, a beacon in their lives, now that open door and beacon will be 6000 km away and one big ocean to cross.Was it not that my youngest daughter, soon 15, said to me a couple of months ago why I was still hanging around in Belgium and not be with Chris, that we seriously talked about me moving. She is a strong self confident independent compassionate young girl, conceived when I was digesting my bad out of body experience, she was my ground, my reason to take care of myself and her when pregnant and my sunshine when she was young and still is.
I talked with my 3 daughters, with my parents, my ex, and of course soon the rest of the family was informed.
With that layers of feelings, thoughts, old habits and old structures are shaken up.
Where my old experiences shook me up spiritually, I understand that this is the outer reflection of it… living the life I integrated and now I am asked to live up to it…I am asked to live up to it, to follow and to unfold what is given, for that I have to give up my old idea of how a mother has to be, for them and for me, for my own mother who is Capricorn herself, I have to reshape ‘motherhood’, with Capricorn ascendant that is a BIG challenge.
But to live up to it I have to move away from my old structures and my old life habits, my old ground, my old Europe to find new grounds under the expanding skies of Canada…Chris is a perfect partner both very sensitive to my process of letting go and extremely wise in his words to give me that exact amount of support that I need to do what I need to do.
He knows what to say when I am all contracted in my knot of grieve of leaving.but I agree with your sister, despite all the upheavel and pain it causes it was the best choice and we all are learning a lot from it, as they see how I am growing into myself as a woman… yes it is a great lesson for all of us, for three generations of women – my mother, my aunt (my mothers age), me and my 3 daughters.
I’m sorry, but my comment really was meant to be general.
Also I try to avoid being any forum troll, though I somehow can identify with Loki, ancient Norse jötunn or maybe simply deity of chaos and mischief.
With sissy I mean a timid person.
I have earlier mentioned sad and strange case of Anneliese Michel.
Or maybe one could think case of Kaspar Hauser. Then one could could get certain interesting characters like Edward Bulwer-Lytton, Philip Stanhope etc. and then get back to the dweller of the theshold or maybe one should call it guardian of the threshold as Rulf (R. Steiner) did.
During later stages of her (spirit) possession Miss Michel clearly couldn’t anymore keep her sanity and eventually there came her untimely death. Dealing night and day with her ‘howdies’ was all too much. I regard her weakling and loser.
I don’t have resources to be really intensive participant in this forum, but I also still look forward if there would possibility to learn all the Formulas somewhere in the future.
If I am somewhere critical, is there how some things are expressed.
Buddhists have somethings really well worked out in my opinion.
One might have experienced Union, but has still long way through various Paths and Grounds (Buddhist terms concerning the development of Bodhisattva) to reach the Union of No More Learning.
Al-Buraq (Arabic, “lightning”) is a mythological steed, described as a creature from the heavens which transported the prophets. The most commonly told story is how in the 7th century, the Buraq carried the Islamic prophet Muhammad from Mecca to Jerusalem and back during the Isra and Mi’raj or “Night Journey”, which is the title of one of the chapters (sura), Al-Isra, of the Quran.
-WIKIPEDIAPassing through the storm led by the demons (team Satan), walk between the world of men and gods. Cast no shadow, draw no light, I rape the priestess on pagans night. I taste the serpents poison on the lips of the one I love. She brings this gift of witchcraft, I wear the cat-skin-gloves.
-MANOWAR, Each Dawn I DieI hope that my second citation don’t turn my posting into something whimsical, at least that’s not the intention.
Djinni general or maybe even in very rare case Valkyries (case of Norse black metal band MAYHEM and their vocalist Death, the sacrifice, for example, who made suicide first slitting his wrists and then shooting himself with shotgun in Curt Cobain style) seem to be not only witnesses but also inspirers for art so also metal music.
I wanted to but this link because it well describes conflict between various dwellers of the Firmament (War in the Heaven and confusion when somebody is first time invited to see behind the Threshold.
HOWDY
For Kipling himself was something of a mystic. He belived that his creative powers, his inspiration came to him mysteriously and miraculously through some awesome, unknowable process. Very likely he associated the elements of the inscrutable, mysterious East with the mystical qualities of his own creative imagination. He believed in both strongly: “You didn’t write She, and I didn’t write ‘Recessional,'” Kipling once said to Rider Haggard. “Something wrote them through us.” In his brief biographical essay, Somethong of Myself, Kipling tells us that Kim “grew like the Djinn released from the brass bottle, and the more we explored its possibilities the more opulence of detail did we discover.” And, he adds, we recall “Kim took care of himself.”
-MORTON N. COHENIn the backwash of Fennario, the black and bloody mire, the dire wolf collects his dues, while the boys sing round the fire. Don’t murder me, I beg of you, don’t murder me, please don’t murder me. No, no, no, don’t murder me. I beg of you, don’t murder me, please don’t murder me.
-GRATEFULL DEAD, Dire WolfI sometime ago heard somebody relating a short story, clearly told as some kind of joke.
So Rudolf Steiner taught, as everybody who has even little studied his Anthroposophy,that human being consists from physical body, etheric body, astral body and ego. But with Anthroposophists themselves it’s clearly different because they have the same physical, etheric and astral bodies, but instead of their own ego they actually have Steiner’s ego.
When I have observed what Wendy has told about her initiation(s), I have been always perplexed asking myself ‘is she looking for soothing’ or ‘is she in dire need of counseling.’
In the end I have come to the conclusion that her main intention has been to warn about certain dangers.
But why it would be necessary warn about the dangers of internal alchemy? In some very rare case somebody who is very unlucky could catch a psychosis or become a chronic schizophrenic
Late Swami Satyananda Saraswati (1923-2009) devoded quite much attention to similarities of early stages of Kundalini awakening and that ugly disease (s…a) in his classic “Kundalini Tantra.”
By the way I have impression that he might have never really mastered samadhi as for example Michael Winn’s teacher Swami Hariharananda (still less HH Dalai Lama who has also admitted his situation openly).
So what’s up with my posting, for I still lack a punch line, being in danger to fall flat?
Divine Pride, when it’s not intact, and clinging to externals, that I still see in Wendy’s postings (well only with this topic, but still).:)
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