Why does sexual impulse/desire cause so much shame?

Thanks Wendy for your words.
I think you have some deep insights into sexuality.

I would say that what you’ve mentioned explains about
half of it . . . but there’s also another component
which doesn’t referent any particular sexual acts
a person has engaged in thus far.

For example, a person can have sexual desires that
they don’t actually act on, but nonetheless somehow
even having the desires creates an internal dialogue
of self-judgement.

Almost as if there is an internal judge that acts
to reprimand you for your thoughts . . .

If I may give a personal example:

There are plenty of times when I become sexually aroused
in everyday life and/or catch myself daydreaming about
something sexual. Then “the judge” appears and proceeds
to “lecture” me. It says things like “that’s not proper”,
“that’s inappropriate”, “what if such-and-so
persons/relatives/friends knew that you were having such
thoughts and feelings, they’d be so ashamed of you”,
blah, blah, blah. All kinds of negative judgemental
chatter designed to induce feelings of shame, fear, and
lack of acceptance in being a sexual being. Then I
find myself internally arguing with this judge and
trying to silence his negative judgemental decrees.

I’ve talked with a good number of other people and they
have confirmed with me that they’ve experienced these
same phenemona on different occasions.

And I’m not sure why, or where this negative internal
judgemental chatter against being a sexual being comes from.
It intrigues and fascinates me.

Sorry, I guess I’m babbling now, but psycho-sexual issues
and related emotions fascinate me. Non-sexual emotions
tend not to be so slippery (pun intended 😛 ).

S

Hi Derek,

You raise a lot of interesting questions.

I’ll try to address some of them.

First I’ll address your question about emotional techniques:

>>>You wrote, “…Fusion 1 to fix this deficit. It’s much better now.
>>>There are still a few things missing, but I’ve found other
>>>things to fill the void.”
>
>>Would you mind sharing what other techniques that help fill the void are?

There are tons of other emotional techniques out there, some of which
I use and some I don’t. I guess it all sort of depends on the person
and what you need. Judith Poole teaches a whole course on other
emotional techniques in her Energy Medicine/Psychology course. Some
of them are great techniques, while some of them I feel suffer from
the same shortcomings I find to some degree in Fusion 1,
i.e. aggressively process and transmute without understanding
what the underlying pattern is that is generating the emotions
to begin with. The flaw with some of these things is that you
feel great in the short-term as you transform the surface crap,
but then the underlying pattern which is not addressed is left
unsatisfied. It then regenerates negative emotional states–
sometimes more severe than before–in part because it’s almost
as if those “parts” are “pissed” that you never got the original
message, so they come back with intensity to try to get you to
do something about them.

Again, everyone has to sort of find a mix of things that works
for them. On the emotional level (provided it’s not
psycho-sexual related), I’ve come up with what I would consider
an effective combination for *me* for emotional issues.

Namely:

First, use Focusing techniques to locate and identify the
underlying voice and message that the internal parts are
wanting to express.

Then, once you’ve given a voice to the internal beliefs,
blast them with the Inner Smile to make them feel
accepted and safe, to acknowledge that their opinions are
OK.

Then, once these underlying beliefs are exposed
and opinions accepted, along with having the internal
negative dialog identified, then alter the internal
programming using EFT.

Then, once the internal belief systems have been altered,
so that the negative pattern generator is dissolved,
I feed the negative physical manifestation of those
emotions into the Fusion 1 scheme.

I.E. in short: Focusing -> Inner Smile -> EFT -> Fusion 1

In total, at least to me, this sequence of tools
fits the bill and creates a complete method I feel
satisfied with.

Of course, this is just what I’ve found fills in the
landscape; others may find a different program suitable to
them.

Other supplementary tools I use to prevent the onset of
new negative emotional architecture include
“Be Set Free Fast” (see Judith Poole’s course) and
“Don’t Bite the Hook: Finding Freedom etc.” by
Pema Chodron (CD by Buddhist nun–some good psychological
tools if you screen out some nonsense Buddhist philosophy).

Energy medicine and/or Healing Sounds work as a quick fix
when you don’t have time to clean out the pattern.

At any rate, just some ideas.
Not saying that such a scheme will work for you, but
it does for me.

Best,
Steven

Hi Derek,

To make a few additional comments on your post:

On your “Doing force” vs. “Thinking force” issue, you raise
a lot of interesting questions that I think I have to let
stew a bit, as I don’t have a useful response currently–but
the comments are valuable nonetheless.

>>>Some people say your mind “judge” is not your own
>>>but a foreign installation. The foreign mind is there
>>>to fixate your awareness on self importance
>>>and make your true mind submissive. It does that
>>>by interjecting thoughts and making you believe
>>>they are your own. Those thoughts create in each
>>>person a dichotomy, “well I want the ice cream
>>>but I am going to get fat.”. The dichotomy or opposing
>>>thoughts will then create those negative judgemental
>>>feelings you talked about.

Yes, I can identify with your ice cream example. 🙂
This is another valuable concept I’ll need to ponder.

>>>So if taken at face value, then with Fusion and
>>>the Kan and Li’s you are balancing out your emotions,
>>>sexual energy and also other heavenly energies
>>>but not adjusting your awareness to stop fixating
>>>on self importance. An example is why when I see
>>>that girl (guy, etc.) I automatically think of f’ing
>>>her brains out or why when I am chilling out thinking
>>>of nothing does a fantasy just pop into my mind?
>>>The simple answer is you must intend to stop the fixation
>>>of your awareness on your self and not to have a
>>>foreign installed mind. Through your intention of
>>>stopping the mind and other techniques like reviewing
>>>your life your awareness can change and not be fixated
>>>to enhance your self importance or put another way
>>>be fluid to fixate on the spot of the true mind
>>>without the ‘judge’.

I’m not sure what to feel about this, but then again,
I’m not looking necessarily to critique it.
More perspectives to throw into the pot is useful,
and then see what boils out. Interesting discussion.

>>>So if what some people say is true that
>>>the internalized dialog is not natural
>>>but a combination of external thought forms
>>>and internal energetic fixation then you are
>>>not truely the uncarved block yet. To still
>>>use the computer analogy you have a virus
>>>in your bios, which is a part of the hardware
>>>that is used to load the operating system.

I think this is 100% accurate.
Finding the virus to flush it is tricky, as
it is somewhat unclear what is just external
thought form pollution, as well as what is
intrinsic but is somehow hidden behind the clouds
of our own history.

>>>On a side note if anyone doesn’t know M. Chia
>>>has a dvd about reprogramming negative emotions
>>>which is newer and wasn’t taught up until a
>>>few years ago. It is a part of
>>>Fusion: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hE5-VfUXtyE
>>>(the technique is part way in). I mention it
>>>because it incorporates a different facet
>>>of memorized emotions. He talks about removing
>>>the emotions and also the mental reference
>>>to it in the brain and organs. A key part is also
>>>the movement of your head.

Yeah, I know a little about it, but haven’t explored it
fully. My take–given the little I know about it
so far–is that it is an attempt to integrate some of
the cleansing process of REM sleep and some of the
concepts from EFT into the emotion clearing process.
Something to investigate further at some point.

>>>I hope I wrote coherently, there was a lot
>>>I was trying to fit in a finite space.

No problemo 🙂

I asked for input, and you gave it . . . in spades.

Thanks again,
Steven