Journal Entry

JOURNAL ENTRY:

As I look to update my log, I notice that a lot has changed in the past
year. My bio and goals are *SO* out of date; they need to be changed. In
a way, returning to the journal was an eye-opener to show just how far I’ve
come since then . . .

I’m currently the bookstore manager down at the Healing Tao Retreats at
Heavenly Mountain, and have been here since June 8. What an intense
time period it has been.

Maybe I should backtrack a bit and retrace some history . . .

I started the Healing Tao practices in early Fall 2006. I began
learning the Deep Healing Qigong, and used it as way to help start
over after ending a 6-year codependent relationship with my first love.
Practice was exactly what my soul needed. What a powerful form
the Deep Healing Qigong is. It is a long form, and took a while to
learn, but it will always remain my favorite.

Shortly after, I began learning the Qigong Fundamentals. I built up
my base, and then by the end of May 2007, I felt pretty comfortable with
QF1-2–except I wanted to strengthen my orbit practice.
I felt it time to join the HT community, so then last summer I
went to Heavenly Mtn. during the retreat programs and took several courses:
DNA Repair & Immune Qigong with Taoist Yoga, Qigong Fundamentals 1-4,
Iron Shirt 1-2, Fusion 1.

The changes were immense, and I returned home 3 weeks later
unsure of how to fit back into my old life, as I was no longer the
same person as before.

Since then, I went to Asheville in October 2007 and learned
the Primordial Qigong form–certain problems I was having internally
resolved themselves that weekend.

Then later I returned to Asheville in November to
retake QF1-2. In December, I took a 2 week private retreat
at a hermitage where I devoted the entire time to cultivation.
Practice-wise, I solidified my Fundamentals practices, strengthened
my Tao Yin, and reviewed everything else. On an internal level,
a lot of growth took place during that intensive.

In March, I returned to the hermit cabin for a few days of cultivation,
and followed it up with a trip to Asheville to learn Fusion 1; in April,
I went to Asheville again to do Fusion 2-3.

Due to a strange turn of events, a previously booked summer became wide
open and provided the opportunity to come down to NC as the bookstore
manager for the Healing Tao Retreats for the summer.

So, in any event, I arrived here June 8.

The days preceding the first retreat week and much of the retreat week
was very physically exhausting. For almost 10 days straight, I worked
18 hours days–going to bed at 2am and getting up at 7am–to get
the store in order.

Finally, I began taking classes as well as my bookstore duties.

For the past 4 weeks, I have been taking retreat classes and working in
the bookstore–pretty physically, emotionally, energetically, and spiritually
exhausting as my limits on all ends were tested. No afternoon or evening naps
as it is that time that the bookstore is open.

My first week of classes I retook Qigong Fundamentals yet again–but this
time my intention was for the accumulation of requisite hours for instructor certification.

My second week of classes I took Iron Shirt 2-3 and Fusion 3 with David Twicken.
David was a real wealth of information and a real machine–when we weren’t
on afternoon break or mealtimes, we were in class. Extra class 9-11pm was
common. That was a real week of transformation. All of the bone beating
with wire hitters and tendon exercises really forced loose a lot of deeply
buried toxins and started a healing crises that continued into the next week.
Now that I know how to use the wire hitters, I intend to keep using them.
The combination of Iron Shirt 2-3 with Fusion 3 was a nice combination, and
the associated meditations were the perfect complement to the Iron Shirt
practices which helped to process the junk that was jostled to the
surface by the Iron Shirt.

My third week, I took the Healing Love course with Michael Winn and
Minke de Vos. Starting to work with sexual energy for the first time
and really activating the kidneys with the kidney exercises caused some
intense detoxes in a number of us–and I definitely released a lot of
trapped fear held in the deep kidney recesses. A couple of times I
had a particularly intense detox–dizziness, nausea, lightheadedness,
coupled with the release of intense fear . . . almost panic. Sort of
miserable in the moment, but I always felt better after it cleared
out . . . felt cleaner inside.

I think we bury a lot of fear deep down inside surrounding sexual
issues and once you start to play with and face what you’ve always
been afraid to face or tried to hide, you can really tap into that
buried fear. Now you can’t delay it any longer, you have to face it.

Even though I was exhausted, I pressed onward, and took the
Lesser Kan and Li course next week with Michael. What a whole
new world that is. I really appreciated all of the work that
I did previously in the first formula that lead to that course.
The energies you begin to tap are quite strong, and without a
good base, it would be a bit much otherwise.

After all of the preceding work, the meditations that week either
knocked me out totally, or if I was able to stay present found the
opposite. Namely on that end, I experienced such strong energetic
responses I had a hard time to not shake, quiver, sigh, and/or grunt
as the meditations preceded. One day I had an energetic explosion
similar to an orgasm except that it didn’t peak but keep going higher
and higher. After the meditation, I felt “stoned” and somehow
“hyperconnected” to everything. I went outside and I could feel nearby
trees, rocks, clouds, etc. all directly connected to me–a state that was
both blissful while almost uncomfortable as sensory input felt multiplied
by 10 times what it can normally handle. Another day I felt like I
was some kind of lightning rod or conduit passing large amounts of heaven
chi through my body down into the earth. Pow! What an intense flow
of energy down through my body. My legs shook as it passed through.
What an intense class–especially as Michael had supercharged it with
some transmissions from his new Advanced Lesser Kan and Li course.

As that retreat came to a close, I went through the testing and
certification process to become a Healing Tao instructor. I look
forward in the future to being able to pass on what I’ve learned and
share with others my love for this process.

Now after doing 4 weeks of retreats in row with bookstore duties, I’m
taking some time to let it all digest. I’ll remain here working in the
bookstore for these last three weeks, but no classes. It’ll be a
yin time to integrate and process everything that has happened thus far.

Love and inner smiles to all of you,
Steven